Clear direction needed..

I think I need a very clear direction.

I need to know what is my strengths and weaknesses.

I need to know the qualities of mine.

I need to know the expectations.

I need all that before I proceed

I just cannot see a very clear view of it

I know I'm not that good

I am still in this self-doubting stage..

Must clear this off a.s.a.p

Feeling stressSSsSsSssssSsSsSs....

=(

打电话

刚收到信息说可以免费打电话时

有股冲动想打电话给人

打了回家，没人听

打了给一个朋友，也没能通

打了给我的“上司”交待东西，谁知他没空听电话

翻了翻电话簿

居然可怜到没有一个人我可以打电话去的

Psykid，我怕大家都很忙

怕烦到大家，不敢打

我好可悲哦~~

爱情专家？？

不懂为何

最近的我好像变成了爱情专家

身边好多朋友都陷入桃花泥里了

而我好巧的都在她们身边

不知不觉中就成为给予意见及看法的人

好笑的是，本小姐毫无实践经验可谈

贸贸然成了别人的爱情军师不懂会不会害了她们呢？？

=P

Thoughts..

Recently, I'm quite busy and quite free

Busy in the sense of the pack schedule of my study + AIESEC works

Free in the sense of my mind..

Whenever I have time, I used it just to play game, relax and things that I shouldn't pay attention on

Perhaps I'm too busy that whenever I have free time, I'll unconsciously ignored all the burdens and stuff

Maybe this is a way of releasing my stress?

Maybe this is one of the way for escaping?

Quite a lot of things happen in this month where I never expect it to happen,

One of the most unexpected is I'm going exchange

I'm now the VP elect of AIESEC

I'm facing problems with friend,

I'm facing too calm emotion during exam,

I'm too passive in term of making effort in the friendship that crack a little

These are the thing that I faced, I dunno why,

But I just cope it like that.

It is like I'm too ok with it

but I know that I'm not.

Talking about exchange,

there are things that I don't know and this would be my 1st time to go abroad

Besides wanted to be independent and to see the world,

Inside me, there is a corner in my heart that covered by fear..

Talking about taking up the responsibility of VP,

I'm scared whether I'm really that tough and strong to be the leader

I'm scared about my performances through out the term

I'm scared about it might affect my study

I wanna remain my results in the range that I wish it would be

Talking about the friendship problems,

I'm too passive to take action anymore

I'm tired of it already

I'm too busy to spend time to think about the problems

I'm afraid that if actions that I took will affect it even worst

There are lots of thing that happen

but I still having no clear direction on how to overcome it

Yet I'm too calm..

It's like these are things that not related to me..

I don't know what happen to me indeed.

Just hope that things will run smoothly as I wish it to happen.

想念

不懂为什么，我开始想念了

想念我的好朋友们

很想和她们聊一聊

无奈，大家又分隔多地

聊不了..

我想念品莹

我想念婉菱

我想念玉娇

我想念卓敏

我想念你们..

如果你们看到这篇部落格时，

不妨在MSN或FB留下你们脚步

让我回味也好~

真的想念你们，

想念大家聚在一起的日子

想念大家一起疯癫的时候

想念着..

伤口上撒盐的滋味..

在伤口上撒盐的滋味，

已经不是第一次尝试了，可为何还是有点痛呢？

我以为我已经麻木了..

我不断地回想，过去的种种，一切一切我经历过的

我以为我已经成熟到可以接受任何打击的阶段了

可，今天我才天真地发现，原来自己并不是

*

一个缘字很重要，

它把不同世界的人连接了起来

它也把不同世界的人分隔了起来

我不想做多余的猜测也不想做多余的揣摩

相信缘会把我带到我应该面对的人、事、物

*

有时候很想呐喊！

想呐喊说，我也会有累的时候

我不是铁人，我不是！我不是！！

有时候我也需要人家反过来关心我

我累了，

每每都是我主动地关心、踏出第一步

很想问说，是否也有人记得我呢？

记得说我也是个普通人，

我也是个需要关心、需要爱的一个人..

不想浪费眼泪再无必要的地方，虽然有些已不自觉地流出

我也很忙，没有时间浪费在那里..

文章的最后，想告诉自己说

“张恩万是坚强的，我不怕未来有多苦多难，只要坚持信念，绝望也会变成希望”

Clearer mind

After a long talk with a friend, finally get back a clearer mind..

Through that talk, I realized that there so much that I missed out..

Perhaps sometimes, I am too ego to admit my own mistakes and blind-spots.

The friend of mine told me that understanding is a very important element in sustaining relationship, in all kind of relationship..

No matter is with family members, friends or even lover.

It's really been a long time that I'm blind in these area.

Really a big thank you for getting me back to this clearer stage.

I know what to do up next already..

Thanks again ya.. ^^

久违的更新

好久都没有更新部落格了，

是累了吗？是没有灵感吗？

好像都有吧..

*

最近的我依然忙碌的没话说，

可每天都有时间上网检阅电邮等等的

好久都没有开MSN了，

因为真的很不想去CHAT

一旦MSN一开，当有人敲你时，多多少少也要回复一下

但我就是很懒...

*

有个消息要分享，

我申请了Exchange，明天晚上会去面试

不懂会不会过，但至少我告诉说我尝试过

如果过了，我会很开心吧！

因为终于可以冲出马来西亚，到外面去看看世界

*

话说回来，最近的我好像有点低落

因为种种的问题，让我不自觉地担心起来

最近发现自己越来越接受不了某个朋友的言行举止

因为太假了吗？

还是因为看不过眼？

我想都有吧！因为太假所以看不过眼吧..

很想说，开心就是开心，不开心就是不开心

为什么要装呢？

难道不开心的时候装作一副很开心的样子会让自己开心点吗？

也不想和她摊开来说，

因为我觉得最近的她总是误解我的意思

算了吧，如果是真的误会的话，时间会证明一切的..

*

说到课业，我还真的蛮佩服自己的淡定

明明就有很多东西等着自己，

可是我还可以慢慢磨的

不想给自己压力也不是这样吧!!

还有几个星期就考试了，书动都还没动

手上又有好几个Research，接下来的我应该也就是忙得焦头烂额了吧！！

加油加油加油~~~~