Dramatic...

yesterday something occurs..
out of a sudden..
although I'm not the one facing it..
still, i can sense that my heart broken..
why shall all this happen ?
just because of anger?
it is really dramatic,
it was still like yesterday that all of us are still close enough..
and now,
everythings changed...

just now,
i was told that everything will be fine..
that is their fate for it,
too much of changes that we try to bring to them..
and the God don't let all this things happen..
so, in another way, they reacted in this ways

hopefully that everything will really be fine..
although we cannot help in changing their fate,
but, i hope and pray that they shall survive in a better way..
dear God, I hope and pray for my aunt and her family to have a comfort life..
hope that things won't be too harsh for them..
hope that our relationship won't change in the way that she wished..
hope that their fate won't be the one that i wish not to see

sadly, i pray all this to my own God..
仙师，愿姑妈一家的命运不会是我不想看到的那种
虽然这是无法更改的命运，但我依旧会盼望有变化的一天
眼泪不自觉地流了满脸，
昨天刚得到消息时，只觉得很愤怒
当愤怒过后，随即而来的是悲伤
伤痛随着眼泪，慢慢地向我倾诉
但，一切都无法改变了
命运改不了

任性

最近的我，很任性

任性地想逃避

任性地不想负责任

任性地颓废

一如上一个部落所说的

我失去自我了

*

今天，知道了MID SEM EXAM 的成绩

很差，真的很差

可是它却再也引不起我的斗志了

朋友很讶异地看着我

当她知道的时候

haiz，

我也不懂，

感觉上，成绩已经不是能激发我的工具了

*

之前，很想说

我很想任性一下

不想面对这么多

可现在的我，

算是已经任性够了

*

难道，成人的世界就是这样吗？

那我可以很任性地说，

我不想长大吗？

我的理智告诉我

不可能

*

有时候在想，

早熟的我是否错过了太多太多可以任性的时候呢？

escape

I feel like my soul is dying recently...
having no reason for everything..
unconsciously i know i'm escaping..
escape from all the responsiblity,hope, expectacy from others...
can I ask myself to stop all these??
can I ask myself not to give myself so much pressure??

I assume that all these while I've been too stress..
I'm so tired and I just wanna escape from all these..
and yet, my superego don't let me do all these..
all these while, when escaping..
deep in my soul, I feel so guilty for it..
guitly for not performing well,
guilty for not responsible at all..

I guess, I'm facing some sort of crisis within me
but, the question is, when will all these end le??

宁静的夜

忘了已经有多久没有静静的享受夜的宁静了

最近的天气都是阴森森的

晚上根本不需要开风扇都很冷

冰冷冷的夜让我想念家里那温暖的床

让我觉得冷冰冰的还有自己的心

*

最近的我，好像已经不是我了

没了动力，就像失去了灵魂

每天为了赶功课而赶

为了考试而赶

我已经忘记了读书的乐趣了

忘了自己寻找的方向

就在这迷茫，冰冷的夜晚

我迷失了自己

*

望着月光，盼望月光能替我寻回遗失了的我

没了灵魂的我，每天过着行尸走肉的生活

就像一台没有生命的机器人

为了达到目标，麻木地工作

*

内心有一股很强的力量想要放弃

放弃我一直追求的梦

可是为什么是在我如此靠近它时呢？

我不甘心，真的不甘心

为什么

为何要如此的耍我？

自己就像被两股拉力拉得几乎要崩溃了

*

继续，我没有动下去的理由

放弃，我不甘心一切就归于零

*

这一切一切的挣扎，让宁静的夜不再宁静~~

BusY...

can I ask myself to stop for a while??
er.. I should say can i ask all the assignments to stop pushing me anymore...
it's really been a busy month after all..
although it is busy time but still i seemed like losing the spirit on it..
I am just doing for the sake of doing it only..
I study just for the sake of exam or quiz..
hmm.. this is not the real me wo~~

I am the one so into study and get knowledge de wor,
how come now all change already??
I seemed like losing the passion on study le..

I just take 16 unit this sem but yet I feel like very very busy..
maybe is dunno how to really manage my time and I am so not motivated ar!!

should I get back to my motivation book and try to remotivate myself??
ArGHHhhh....
what should I really do ar??
Passion oH pAssion,
where are you?
why are you keep playing games with me??
fast fast come back to me la...

I wish that I could make some changes to my life now,
not to blame but appreciate all the stuff that I have..
sO, am I blaming??
er.. maybe gua..
I blamed my passion for leaving me all alone in UKM and with bundle of assignments..
I blamed myself for letting Passion go..

what a busy but meaningless life without Passion!!!
:S
:(