蜕变中

我不一样了

真的不一样了

就像毛毛虫一样，蜕变成了蝴蝶了

*

所谓的蜕变

代表的是我的思想

以前的我会抗拒很多东西

虽然现在还是会抗拒某些

但至少我变得更加的沉稳了

*

我很感谢也很感恩说

在我大学生涯中

有一班和我有如家人般亲密的系友们

她们真的好像我的家人一样

让我第一次感受到自己原来是那么如此的不一样

我们总共有十八位

而我很意外的，成了老幺

因为我通常都是朋友堆中扮演老大的角色的

*

我想，她们是见证我蜕变的最好人证吧

不懂她们有没有发现到呢？？

很好奇~~

我想，我应该好好地介绍一下她们+他吧！！

~::*Psykid家族*::~

大姐：Grace

她是我们之中唯一不大懂得华语的，可是她却蛮有心得在学着

是个很可爱又直爽的女生

跟她在一起让我明白了很多有时我看不开的东西

也让我的英文进步不少吧！！

她是我会倾诉的对象，虽然不多

二姐：淑璇

一开始觉得她很酷

不爱参我们

不爱给予任何的表情，

是AIESEC CommunicationDepartment的Executive

可是,当我最近参了AIESEC后，发现原来她还蛮废的

而且还蛮爱酸我的，可以感觉到我们的距离有挪进了一大步了

三姐：沁怡

老实说，我跟沁怡的交接好像不是很多

不过，她是一个很爽直的人

不会是没有话题聊的朋友

四姐：雪倪

曾经为我的经历而哭泣的朋友

当时我还蛮感动的，因为从来就没有人为我自己的经历流泪过，除了自己

最近不懂怎么了，好像没什么交接了

或许她很忙吧！常常都没法看到她

五姐：琬淋

唯一一个跟我好友同名的

不过写法不大一样啦

跟沁怡是好好好友，同样的，我跟她的交接也不多

她很忙的，是华文班的秘书

很爱华文班

六姐：美妏

我想，没有人比她认识我更久了吧

我们常常被人说是姐妹，

可是我们一点都不像啊

她是我在大学里第一个真心想把她当好友的人

虽然我们两人的想法有时候很不一样

摩擦是有的，可是我们还是依然那么友好

七姐：李舫

她是我FacNite是的伙伴

感觉上很文静，可是其实还蛮多话聊的

我觉得她是很女人的代表

有个稳定的男友，应该快结婚了吧？？

记得请我们喝你的喜酒哦~~

八姐：李韵

她跟李舫是双生儿

可是跟姐姐却有着不一样的感觉

她给我很女孩的感觉

让人想保护的对象

可是她对自己很没有信心

好想告诉她说你其实很好了，要有信心嘛！！

九姐：颖怡

她是个很传统的女生吧！

所谓传统不是代表保守

而是说，她很温柔贤惠

颖怡有着很招牌的咪咪眼，看了让大家都可以深深地感受到那喜悦的感觉

十姐：美君

她也是一个很温柔、文静的女生

感觉上静静的、也很随和

在饥饿30活动里，有着让我惊讶不已的表演

那举动让我深深地记得香香和蕉蕉

十一姐：韵璇

她是让我觉得跟自己很像的人

很爱看她的部落格

她也和六姐一样，是我部落格的常客

她们的留言都是鼓励我继续的动力

还记得刚开始的时候觉得她很“大姐”

并不是很爽

可是，也不懂从何时开始

慢慢地看到了不一样的见解

原来她并不是我以为的那样

十二姐：翠婷

她讲话有点串，表情也很串

可是我们都知道那是她的Pattern了

她很爱上网，几乎每次上网都会看到她

基本上，她是负责我们Psykid家族的IT事务

凡是跟IT有关的，我想大多都是她在搞的.. 佩服佩服！！

她也是个很关心我的姐姐，虽然我没告诉她她问我的那些..

十三姐：祖儿

她很随和、亲切

有时候有点Blurblur

有着自己的一段故事，但依然很坚强的面对

最近的她很幸福，希望幸福永远跟随她

十四哥：兴杰

他是我们当中唯一的男丁

该说是幸还是不幸我也不知道

我觉得有时候他还蛮可怜的

因为是唯一的男生，

所以常常被指点去做东西.. 而我就是常常那么做的那位~~ ^^

不过，总的来说，他是个理解能力很强的人，居然在大学中拿过4 flat！！！

十五姐：Sharon

她是个很有想法的女生

喜欢各式各样的民族服饰

很爱睡觉，因为每次叫她一起吃午餐时，她缺席的理由就是回去睡觉

跟她还算不错，因为大家会分享用电饭煲的心得嘛！

十六姐：美怡

她就像个傻大姐一样

长得很像日本妹、有千金小姐的气质

虽然她并不是千金小姐啦！

但她很亲切、很真挚

是大家煲戏时重要的角色，因为她就是那供应商啊！！

十七姐：秀淇

她是我大学唯一一个室友

虽然现在大家都是一个人一间房啦

她是个心思细腻的人

有时候很敏感，会想很多的人

我觉得反而现在我更加地了解她了，

适当的距离让我们的摩擦少了，

从而让我发现更多她的世界..

而我，就是那第十八妹

不是很喜欢十八妹的称呼，

觉得有点很俗气

可是大家好像很爱那么叫我，尤其是十一姐！！！

算了吧，大家开心就好啦~~

*

天啊！我居然花了接近两个小时多来形容她们+他

真是佩服自己的能耐啊！！

[caption id="attachment_180" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Psykid全家福"][/caption]

System Restore...

I guess all of you know that previously I was damn stress

never want to deny about that, and now I still feel stress but not that much already

I wish my life can like the laptop, whenever somethings wrong, just choose system restore and everything will be fine and Okay already..

Yet this the reality, So that means I need to take off the fantasy and walk back to the reality life.

Previously, when I talked to Grace regarding the changes in me,

I was quite shock when she told me that the changes that she sensed in me was that the friendliness of mine..

She told me that previously I was hard to approach, not as friendly as now

I never thought I was that obvious.

I guess that's because of my defense mechanism.

I tend to put myself on a mask to protect myself

and I don't actually know since when I was like that,

was it after the Matriculation time?

Was it after the secondary school period?

Honestly, I have no idea...

Talking back to my secondary school period,

there wasn't much that I can say about

I think that time I was not easy to approach as well

Senior once told me that I was COOL

Back to my classroom, classmates say I was fierce and irritating

When I knew that they think that I was irritating,

I was quite sad, really, SAD..

and no one actually know what I felt..

I guess since I really get myself into mature duration,

these things never stop happening

Am I too rational that I always spoiled things?

especially during that stupid adolescent time?

Sometimes, I asked myself, why?

why should I be mature that early?

Why I just cant enjoy that time as innocent and as stupid as others?

Why must I think that much?

Why my social skills that poor?

hundred and thousand of questions ran through my mind,

just hope to get an answer...

talking back to the conversation with Grace,

she said that I was so good in hiding my emotions

because she always see me in a very cheerful, happy mode rather than the sad mode that I claimed..

Never deny about that, I was hiding

I was not used to telling people about my problems

and sometimes, I hope that I can

just that I really not used to it

My dad used to be the one, I guess is just him..

at least now is just him..

Even my closest friends, I never tell them at the moment that I feel bad or sad

I'll tell them afterward, during the once in awhile gathering

I guess this is me, ya, this is what make up ME!!!

Hope that I can now at least try to tell someone other than my dad

Hope that this stupid defense mechanism will disappear

Hope that everything will like system restore,

once restore and things getting back to NORMAL mode

宁静的夜_我的回忆

今天，感觉上没有要温习的心情

刚刚回想了过去19年来自己的心态

*

从小，我就是一个很爱逞强、爱面子、不服输的小孩

不懂何时开始，成绩就是我证明我实力的方法

我从来就不懂被抛在后头的感觉是如何

因为我从来就不曾..

一直到小六结束时，

UPSR成绩出炉了， 而我可笑的竟是被抛在后头的~~

我一直引以为傲的华文作文，竟然是害我跌倒的！！

*

跌倒过，明白了那种被人抛在后头的感觉了

所以我很奋力的念书

我想证明说我比别人都强

想证明给嘲笑我的人

*

终于，我的付出得到了回报

从此，我就很害怕失败的感觉

所谓失败不是什么

而是被抛在后头的感觉

*

或许我很幸运

也或许我真的很拼

一直到我中五毕业

我的成绩都是标青的

至少在我家人眼中是！

至少我能做到让父母感到光荣的女儿

至少让出身于咖啡店的我们向别人证明说我们是强的

因为我知道，

其实妈妈没说但她是自卑的

当看到父母脸上的光荣，

让我感到欣慰

至少我为我们家争光了

*

这种念头到了预科班时

更是强烈了~~

我告诉自己，

只要辛苦那一年

一年就好了

痛苦过了，彩虹就会来到我的世界了

我很想在Matric时拿到4Flat

好让父母可以光荣的告诉人家说，

“我女儿Matric是4Flat毕业的”

至少我的人生中曾经拿过4Flat

感谢天，祂让我的梦成真了

*

现在，

到了大学第二年了

什么感觉都没有了

不管是为了不被抛在后头还是要为了父母而争光

都好像撼动不了我了

*

距离考试越来越近了，

而我却到现在没能解决此困境

怎么办呢？？

我不想看到父母脸上失望的表情

我不想看到自己得到成绩是晴天霹雳的表情

我不想说1st Year辛苦累计的成绩被这次连累

还有很都很多的不想，

但我还是提不起劲

只能告诉自己加油咯~~

尽力就好吧！！

害怕

生平第一次，我感到害怕了

害怕考试的来临

时间越来越少

成功装进脑子里的并没有越来越多

没把握啊！！！

*

除了考试

昨天，我真的害怕了

我房间出现了两只大蜘蛛

不懂只有两只还是还有更多

就在解决蜘蛛的霎那

感到异常的害怕

是发出内心的怕

*

大蜘蛛

从小就是我的唯一死穴

很怕

真的很怕

*

虽然害怕

但我依然把它们解决了

盼望说

我也能如此冷静的解决我的另一恐惧

changes in me...

I believe that me that you are looking now or knowing now is not the same as the me in the past..
Dare not say huge changes in me..
but I think I really change a lot la..

Changes are good, by the way..
I was once very hot tempter, impatient, rude
er.. although not much improvement
but at least the degree of each bad characteristic already decrease lo..

I'm still learning,
how to become a better person..
through all the social interactions
There's no one in this world is perfect de..
but I hope I can be a better person than now la..

We all learn from mistakes and obstacles
It makes us more strong and tough
and from there we know what's our weaknesses and strength..
After knowing that, then we can try to build up the strength and overcome the weaknesses..

I admit that I'm not a really "good" person...
As I mentioned in the profile description,
I am a quite "radical" person,
when I "beh song" that time I'll directly show out de..
I won't care so much la..
and perhaps because of that, I 得罪lots of people..

Haiz, what to do?
Sometimes really cannot control myself..
At least now better le
because at least now I can tahan not to release the anger out in front of that person...

Sharing all these just because I realise that there's really quite a lot of changes in me la..
If you know me since I was young, then I believe you get what I mean de..
hehe^^

Random~~

Was wondering what to do now~~

assignments still haven't really finish but.. not feeling doing it..

exam is coming and haven't really revision but.. not feeling starting it..

Lastly, think of writing something in this blog site lo~~

Yesterday I found out that my younger sister is currently facing some friendship problem

Thought of can talk to her in MSN or phone de.

but she seems like already go to bed le..

Never mind, I shall call her tomorrow la..

Thinking about her problems,

then I realize that she is actually facing the kind of same thing that I faced in the past..

Not knowing whether this is just a coincident or all the friendship problems are alike la..

Really hope that MM will handle the problem with wisdom lo..

Besides that, I was still wondering about my Psycho-drama..

According to Mr. Boe, it was impressive!!! although I don't know where's the part that impress him la..

Not only that, I think that it is a very simple story line wo~~

Plus we just practice for few hours on that day itself..

Hmm.. really should thank God la..

By the way, Mr. Boe is really a very nice person la

He so nice at sharing his knowledge and feel so glad that he is our tutor

although sometimes his homeworks and assignments almost drive me crazy!!!

Yesterday also,

I went pasar malam with Grace and Siew Chee..

It was a wonderful trip

I spend around RM35 within a single night

Including the transport and also one RM5 de T-Shirt which is very dai de!!!

The rest of it would be food lo~~

haha.. can imagine how much food that I eat within that particular night lo~~

Overall, it was fun... although just 3 of us.. ^^

This post is really random de lo..

I think of anything then me jao write lo..

a bit messy

a bit unrelated to each other

a bit ... too... LAME!!!

:p

New blog template

I just updated the blog template into a new one..
still it is green colour in major..
Because I like green.. ^^

changing the blog template means I lost some of the gadget as well..
so, I make some changes lo..

Personally, I like this new blog template..
seems cool and more artistic compare to the previous one...

Hope you guys like it as well lo~~
^_^

幸福

我发现自己真的很幸福

我身边有很多很多关心我的人

尤其当我post上上个部落时

身边的朋友都很关心

很想在这里告诉大家

我没事了~~

冷战即将步入和解了

因为我终于学会了放下