never want to deny about that, and now I still feel stress but not that much already
I wish my life can like the laptop, whenever somethings wrong, just choose system restore and everything will be fine and Okay already..
Yet this the reality, So that means I need to take off the fantasy and walk back to the reality life.
Previously, when I talked to Grace regarding the changes in me,
I was quite shock when she told me that the changes that she sensed in me was that the friendliness of mine..
She told me that previously I was hard to approach, not as friendly as now
I never thought I was that obvious.
I guess that's because of my defense mechanism.
I tend to put myself on a mask to protect myself
and I don't actually know since when I was like that,
was it after the Matriculation time?
Was it after the secondary school period?
Honestly, I have no idea...
Talking back to my secondary school period,
there wasn't much that I can say about
I think that time I was not easy to approach as well
Senior once told me that I was COOL
Back to my classroom, classmates say I was fierce and irritating
When I knew that they think that I was irritating,
I was quite sad, really, SAD..
and no one actually know what I felt..
I guess since I really get myself into mature duration,
these things never stop happening
Am I too rational that I always spoiled things?
especially during that stupid adolescent time?
Sometimes, I asked myself, why?
why should I be mature that early?
Why I just cant enjoy that time as innocent and as stupid as others?
Why must I think that much?
Why my social skills that poor?
hundred and thousand of questions ran through my mind,
just hope to get an answer...
talking back to the conversation with Grace,
she said that I was so good in hiding my emotions
because she always see me in a very cheerful, happy mode rather than the sad mode that I claimed..
Never deny about that, I was hiding
I was not used to telling people about my problems
and sometimes, I hope that I can
just that I really not used to it
My dad used to be the one, I guess is just him..
at least now is just him..
Even my closest friends, I never tell them at the moment that I feel bad or sad
I'll tell them afterward, during the once in awhile gathering
I guess this is me, ya, this is what make up ME!!!
Hope that I can now at least try to tell someone other than my dad
Hope that this stupid defense mechanism will disappear
Hope that everything will like system restore,
once restore and things getting back to NORMAL mode
2 条评论:
changes is good.. and i look forward that one day we can gain ur trust that u open up to us.. :) is not easy but glad that u are taking step to be open.. im really happy to have u in our midst.. a straight-forward and cheerful gal.. :D sometimes u can let us see ur other side de..
:) ya, i totally agree with melia.. hope we will be able to c ur another side :)
and i think is not a bad thing to b rational and mature - is ur strength but is also ur weakness, if u let it take over u by worryin too much.. but i believe u can turn it more to ur strength than weakness. worry is good but not too much.. human need that to a certain limit oni :) instead of system restore back to normal, i think is better if the system is improve. cuz human need to improve themselves. things that happen cant go back to the past. we need to look forward :)
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