这几天都很落寞，不懂为了什么………
在房间里，就快要发霉了，也不懂得要做些什么！！
一个人，过着这种孤单寂寞的日子，真是难熬~~
我并不是害怕孤单的人，
感觉上，从小，我就不曾孤单过，一直到Matric的时候~~
当时的我，只身到马六甲去，没有朋友~~
在那儿找到的朋友却又不是自己想要的，
做人原则不一样，让我们的友情就这样结束了~~
我想，我是那时候开始习惯一个人的生活吧！！
一个人回家，一个人吃饭，一个人冲凉，一个人发呆……
这种情况到了大学并没有多大的改变吧！
很多时候，我也是一个人的……
一个人在房间，一个人吃饭，一个人冲凉，一个人出去，一个人回家等等……
感觉上，自己好像很独立……
可是，很多时候，我是逼不得已的让自己学会了独立~~
当中的辛酸没有人会懂，除了自己~~
很多时候，我告诉自己要坚强，不可以哭，不可以懦弱……
因为我只有一个人……
家人们都不在身边了，不想做些让他们担心的事~~
所以一切一切，我都扛下了~~
朋友曾经说过，“像你一样的独立女性是不会明白的”
当时很想告诉她说，如果可以选的话，我也希望我可以不用酱独立~~
能有个可以让我依赖的人来分担~~
家人是我可以依赖的人，可是我不想再为他们添麻烦了……
我已经长大了，有了可以独当一面的能力了！
不想白发渐渐冒出的父母为我操心，不想姐姐在烦恼她的事情时还要分神来照顾我，也不想妹妹在努力读书时为了我而忧心~~
为了这一切一切，我让自己很早就学会了独立~
是独立惯了吗？
现在无论怎样，我很自动的就武装自己，
不让人家看得出自己的懦弱……
不想让人家为我操心~~
今天的我很感性，也不懂得为什么~~
写部落格是我发泄的方法之一吧！！
也可能是因为最近在想着到底要不要留在这里过生日吧！！
回家会很累也很浪费车票钱……
可是，留在这里，就真的是自己孤孤单单的过生日了~~
也不是说完全没有朋友在这里，
只是，大家都有彼此忙碌的生活……
生日真的那么重要吗？？
也还好吧！
只是，我需要时间好好调息自己的情绪和思想了~~
Search Engine
自定义搜索
落寞的心情~~
这几天都很落寞，不懂为了什么………
在房间里，就快要发霉了，也不懂得要做些什么！！
一个人，过着这种孤单寂寞的日子，真是难熬~~
我并不是害怕孤单的人，
感觉上，从小，我就不曾孤单过，一直到Matric的时候~~
当时的我，只身到马六甲去，没有朋友~~
在那儿找到的朋友却又不是自己想要的，
做人原则不一样，让我们的友情就这样结束了~~
我想，我是那时候开始习惯一个人的生活吧！！
一个人回家，一个人吃饭，一个人冲凉，一个人发呆……
这种情况到了大学并没有多大的改变吧！
很多时候，我也是一个人的……
一个人在房间，一个人吃饭，一个人冲凉，一个人出去，一个人回家等等……
感觉上，自己好像很独立……
可是，很多时候，我是逼不得已的让自己学会了独立~~
当中的辛酸没有人会懂，除了自己~~
很多时候，我告诉自己要坚强，不可以哭，不可以懦弱……
因为我只有一个人……
家人们都不在身边了，不想做些让他们担心的事~~
所以一切一切，我都扛下了~~
朋友曾经说过，“像你一样的独立女性是不会明白的”
当时很想告诉她说，如果可以选的话，我也希望我可以不用酱独立~~
能有个可以让我依赖的人来分担~~
家人是我可以依赖的人，可是我不想再为他们添麻烦了……
我已经长大了，有了可以独当一面的能力了！
不想白发渐渐冒出的父母为我操心，不想姐姐在烦恼她的事情时还要分神来照顾我，也不想妹妹在努力读书时为了我而忧心~~
为了这一切一切，我让自己很早就学会了独立~
是独立惯了吗？
现在无论怎样，我很自动的就武装自己，
不让人家看得出自己的懦弱……
不想让人家为我操心~~
今天的我很感性，也不懂得为什么~~
写部落格是我发泄的方法之一吧！！
也可能是因为最近在想着到底要不要留在这里过生日吧！！
回家会很累也很浪费车票钱……
可是，留在这里，就真的是自己孤孤单单的过生日了~~
也不是说完全没有朋友在这里，
只是，大家都有彼此忙碌的生活……
生日真的那么重要吗？？
也还好吧！
只是，我需要时间好好调息自己的情绪和思想了~~
back to school~~
Last weekend, I went back Taiping for few purposes...
The first one is to celebrate my mum birthday which fall on 17th May..
The second one is to go back to SMJK HUA LIAN..
Why going back??
Since the headmaster now don't really like us to go back..
hehe..
Actually, I went back is because of CHOIR~~~
I was once the leader of Choir and now is my sister..
When we talked in the phone, she keep telling me that they havent really ready for the competition which fall on 16th May..
So, as a sister and also as a senior of Choir..
I decided to go back and try to help them..
I took 7am rapid bus from UKM and reach perhentian kajang around 7.30am..
I waited for about half and hour then only I get into the E2 rapid bus..
That is the 1st time I took E2 bus..
since it is an express bus, so it took me about one hour to reach petaling street..
I thought I will miss the 9 o'clock bus,
but luckily, the bus havent depart and I'm able to take that bus..
after about 4 hours, I reach Taiping..
then without wasting another minutes, I rush back to SMJK Hua Lian..
when I enter the hall and listen to all my juniors singing..
I nearly fainted..
It is really a mess..
all the tempo, pitch and expression are totally out..
due to we just have another one more day to go before the competition..
I can't do much changes to them but just trying to polish up the whole song.
In the meantime, I try to apply the motivation that I learn to them..
It seems like really work..
They all change from the learn helplessness to a more motivated state..
Although they didn't manage to become the champion but the 1st runner up..
It still means a lot to me..
within few hours,
and they let me see the huge improvement..
I'm really touch and din regret for my decision..
although it is tired to rush back but it means something to me..
from what I saw,
I saw the shadow of myself..
three years before,
I was one of them..
we all fight for our dreams,
fight for the competitions..
hope to beat up convent who are damn arrogant..
we cry when we won and also cry when we lose..
In the choir team,
we all share both tears and laughters..
I'll never forget about what I been through
and it helps me a lot in facing daily uni life..
To all my juniors,
like what I said, winning and losing is not important,
the main things that you all should look through is the process..
it is the process that make you grow up, not the winning or the lossing...
never give up and fight for the best...
The first one is to celebrate my mum birthday which fall on 17th May..
The second one is to go back to SMJK HUA LIAN..
Why going back??
Since the headmaster now don't really like us to go back..
hehe..
Actually, I went back is because of CHOIR~~~
I was once the leader of Choir and now is my sister..
When we talked in the phone, she keep telling me that they havent really ready for the competition which fall on 16th May..
So, as a sister and also as a senior of Choir..
I decided to go back and try to help them..
I took 7am rapid bus from UKM and reach perhentian kajang around 7.30am..
I waited for about half and hour then only I get into the E2 rapid bus..
That is the 1st time I took E2 bus..
since it is an express bus, so it took me about one hour to reach petaling street..
I thought I will miss the 9 o'clock bus,
but luckily, the bus havent depart and I'm able to take that bus..
after about 4 hours, I reach Taiping..
then without wasting another minutes, I rush back to SMJK Hua Lian..
when I enter the hall and listen to all my juniors singing..
I nearly fainted..
It is really a mess..
all the tempo, pitch and expression are totally out..
due to we just have another one more day to go before the competition..
I can't do much changes to them but just trying to polish up the whole song.
In the meantime, I try to apply the motivation that I learn to them..
It seems like really work..
They all change from the learn helplessness to a more motivated state..
Although they didn't manage to become the champion but the 1st runner up..
It still means a lot to me..
within few hours,
and they let me see the huge improvement..
I'm really touch and din regret for my decision..
although it is tired to rush back but it means something to me..
from what I saw,
I saw the shadow of myself..
three years before,
I was one of them..
we all fight for our dreams,
fight for the competitions..
hope to beat up convent who are damn arrogant..
we cry when we won and also cry when we lose..
In the choir team,
we all share both tears and laughters..
I'll never forget about what I been through
and it helps me a lot in facing daily uni life..
To all my juniors,
like what I said, winning and losing is not important,
the main things that you all should look through is the process..
it is the process that make you grow up, not the winning or the lossing...
never give up and fight for the best...
bAcK to ScHool....
Last weekend, I went back Taiping for few purposes...
The first one is to celebrate my mum birthday which fall on 17th May..
The second one is to go back to SMJK HUA LIAN..
Why going back??
Since the headmaster now don't really like us to go back..
hehe..
Actually, I went back is because of CHOIR~~~
I was once the leader of Choir and now is my sister..
When we talked in the phone, she keep telling me that they havent really ready for the competition which fall on 16th May..
So, as a sister and also as a senior of Choir..
I decided to go back and try to help them..
I took 7am rapid bus from UKM and reach perhentian kajang around 7.30am..
I waited for about half and hour then only I get into the E2 rapid bus..
That is the 1st time I took E2 bus..
since it is an express bus, so it took me about one hour to reach petaling street..
I thought I will miss the 9 o'clock bus,
but luckily, the bus havent depart and I'm able to take that bus..
after about 4 hours, I reach Taiping..
then without wasting another minutes, I rush back to SMJK Hua Lian..
when I enter the hall and listen to all my juniors singing..
I nearly fainted..
It is really a mess..
all the tempo, pitch and expression are totally out..
due to we just have another one more day to go before the competition..
I can't do much changes to them but just trying to polish up the whole song.
In the meantime, I try to apply the motivation that I learn to them..
It seems like really work..
They all change from the learn helplessness to a more motivated state..
Although they didn't manage to become the champion but the 1st runner up..
It still means a lot to me..
within few hours,
and they let me see the huge improvement..
I'm really touch and din regret for my decision..
although it is tired to rush back but it means something to me..
from what I saw,
I saw the shadow of myself..
three years before,
I was one of them..
we all fight for our dreams,
fight for the competitions..
hope to beat up convent who are damn arrogant..
we cry when we won and also cry when we lose..
In the choir team,
we all share both tears and laughters..
I'll never forget about what I been through
and it helps me a lot in facing daily uni life..
To all my juniors,
like what I said, winning and losing is not important,
the main things that you all should look through is the process..
it is the process that make you grow up, not the winning or the lossing...
never give up and fight for the best...
The first one is to celebrate my mum birthday which fall on 17th May..
The second one is to go back to SMJK HUA LIAN..
Why going back??
Since the headmaster now don't really like us to go back..
hehe..
Actually, I went back is because of CHOIR~~~
I was once the leader of Choir and now is my sister..
When we talked in the phone, she keep telling me that they havent really ready for the competition which fall on 16th May..
So, as a sister and also as a senior of Choir..
I decided to go back and try to help them..
I took 7am rapid bus from UKM and reach perhentian kajang around 7.30am..
I waited for about half and hour then only I get into the E2 rapid bus..
That is the 1st time I took E2 bus..
since it is an express bus, so it took me about one hour to reach petaling street..
I thought I will miss the 9 o'clock bus,
but luckily, the bus havent depart and I'm able to take that bus..
after about 4 hours, I reach Taiping..
then without wasting another minutes, I rush back to SMJK Hua Lian..
when I enter the hall and listen to all my juniors singing..
I nearly fainted..
It is really a mess..
all the tempo, pitch and expression are totally out..
due to we just have another one more day to go before the competition..
I can't do much changes to them but just trying to polish up the whole song.
In the meantime, I try to apply the motivation that I learn to them..
It seems like really work..
They all change from the learn helplessness to a more motivated state..
Although they didn't manage to become the champion but the 1st runner up..
It still means a lot to me..
within few hours,
and they let me see the huge improvement..
I'm really touch and din regret for my decision..
although it is tired to rush back but it means something to me..
from what I saw,
I saw the shadow of myself..
three years before,
I was one of them..
we all fight for our dreams,
fight for the competitions..
hope to beat up convent who are damn arrogant..
we cry when we won and also cry when we lose..
In the choir team,
we all share both tears and laughters..
I'll never forget about what I been through
and it helps me a lot in facing daily uni life..
To all my juniors,
like what I said, winning and losing is not important,
the main things that you all should look through is the process..
it is the process that make you grow up, not the winning or the lossing...
never give up and fight for the best...
黑夜彩虹~~
这是我写过的一首新诗，现在看回觉得感触很大！！
同样的事情一再的发生，可心态是否一样呢？？
不意外的，我对这首新诗情有独钟，是我写过酱多新诗中，最爱的一首~~
现在就和大家分享吧！！
“
同样的事情一再的发生，可心态是否一样呢？？
不意外的，我对这首新诗情有独钟，是我写过酱多新诗中，最爱的一首~~
现在就和大家分享吧！！
“
路灯，
把我的影子拉长，
刹那间，
世界只剩下我和影子，
周遭的一切
已不再与我有关联。
静静的，
我一步步的踏出去，
踏在我成长的路上，
那途中或许有很多过客
给了我
一次次不同的
快乐、想法、感受、
及伤害…
也许过客们无心，
但听者有意！
那无心的伤害
一次次地
刺痛了我的心….
偏偏，路途中需要
过客们的存在，
否则成长也不再有意义。
一个人的路上，
除了自己没有他人
也只能硬着头皮，
扛下那伤害…
也许伤害过后，
会有意想不到彩虹
降临那独有
我和影子的世界
望着月亮，
不禁期待着那
黑夜彩虹的降临….
22/9/2007 ”
黑夜彩虹~~
这是我写过的一首新诗，当中包含了我当时的感触……
本人蛮爱这首诗的，因为它很贴切的带出了我的感想~~
纯粹想和大家分享咯！！
“
本人蛮爱这首诗的，因为它很贴切的带出了我的感想~~
纯粹想和大家分享咯！！
“
路灯，
把我的影子拉长，
刹那间，
世界只剩下我和影子，
周遭的一切
已不再与我有关联。
静静的，
我一步步的踏出去，
踏在我成长的路上，
那途中或许有很多过客
给了我
一次次不同的
快乐、想法、感受、
及伤害…
也许过客们无心，
但听者有意！
那无心的伤害
一次次地
刺痛了我的心….
偏偏，路途中需要
过客们的存在，
否则成长也不再有意义。
一个人的路上，
除了自己没有他人
也只能硬着头皮，
扛下那伤害…
也许伤害过后，
会有意想不到彩虹
降临那独有
我和影子的世界
望着月亮，
不禁期待着那
黑夜彩虹的降临….
22/9/2007”
黑夜里的彩虹是不可能出现的，就如同奇迹般…………
现在看回自己写过的诗，感触特别大~~
相同的事情又在发生了，可是心态一样吗？？
无言…………
bOr3d!!!!!
Oh my gOodnesS!!!
I rEallY goNna bE mAd !!!
tiReD bUt cAnt sLeEp..
nEw rOom iS sUcK aNd dAmn HoT~~~
I aLrEadY fInIsH 5 ePiSode DraMa iN 3 HouRs Le~~~
dUnNo whAt eLsE I cAn dO aR ~~~
gOnNa Be CrAzY D...
I rEallY goNna bE mAd !!!
tiReD bUt cAnt sLeEp..
nEw rOom iS sUcK aNd dAmn HoT~~~
I aLrEadY fInIsH 5 ePiSode DraMa iN 3 HouRs Le~~~
dUnNo whAt eLsE I cAn dO aR ~~~
gOnNa Be CrAzY D...
我的人生~~
其实，我的人生走到现在，已近二十年了！！对，是已近而不是已经！！
因为我还没有生日，还没有二十岁……
其实，回头看看，自己在经历每个阶段的时候都有不同的朋友陪我度过~~
从幼儿园谈起吧！！
幼儿园的朋友，我都不记得了……
记得的是我们一起度过很开心的两年……
大家天真无邪、无忧无虑的度过~~
可能是因为这样，所以并没有把大家的容貌给牢牢地记住！！
小学一二年级
也不记得大部分的同学了~~
只记得几个比较友好的！
那时，大家一起玩耍、一起上课，很愉快~~
可是，到了三年级因为分派到不同的班级后，大家开始疏远了~~
可能那时的我们还不懂得什么是友情吧！！
三年级，
在我记忆中，当时我并没有多少快乐的回忆~~
因为刚进精英班，压力很大~
而且还因为i考到不是很好的成绩，第一次为了成绩而哭……
其实，也不是不好，只是我不再是班上前三名了~~
小孩子并不懂得说要看全级的名次吧！！
为了成绩，我沮丧了很久！！
四五六年级，
进了李老师的班，很庆幸……
也认识了几个好朋友，大家为了成绩一起打拚~~
在这三年，也很庆幸的，自己的自信心漫漫的累积起来了！！
在那打打闹闹的三年中，我认识到了我认为的好友~~
可是，当上了初中一，一切都变了~~
由于我的UPSR的成绩并不好，所以被分派到1A4~~
我的好友们都在前面班！！
可能是因为这样，我们的友情开始面临考验~~
很不幸的，我的友情阵亡了！！
即使到现在，我们还是认识，可是就连见面都不懂要说些什么~~
第一次，我感到心痛~~
在1A4，使我在中学的日子里，最逍遥的~~
那里，我认识了很多不一样的朋友，
他们让我明白说前面班和后面班的不一样~~
他们对人对事都比较真！！
在年尾考试成绩揭晓时，我被分派到2A1……
那代表着我将会离开我的新朋友们~~
那意味着我将要再次失去朋友吗？？
到了初中二三和高中一二，
我都维持在同个班级，
至于我的新朋友们，
我们的友情大约维持了将近三年，就渐渐的淡了下来~~
就像我小学的朋友一样~~
一群朋友没了，可是又有一群新的朋友……
而这群朋友真的陪了我度过很长的一段日子，
到了现在，我们还有联络……
当我进到国民服务营地时，
也遇到了一群朋友陪我一起度过~~
一起熬过离开家人的日子、没有热水冲凉的日子、天天曝晒的日子、被罚、谈心等等……
在那里，大家都很团结、很明白说大家都是一国的~~
过了三个月，大家也分开了……
可能是一起度过“革命”，有了革命情怀，
我们依然有联络，
可能不是很熟络，可是偶尔来的一封简讯，
让我感动不已！！
至少我们没将彼此忘记~~
到了MATRIC的时候，
朋友是有啦！
可是，就已经开始变质了~~
开始有了尔虞我诈的心态了……
刚开始，我并没有发现到，
可是当我发现的时候，我无法接受~~
所以，就狠狠的一刀断了我们之间的友情！！
没了朋友，可是有了个开朗体贴的友族室友~~
她陪我度过我最难熬的日子，给我鼓励和信心！！
让我很勇敢的面对下去~~
过了MATRIC，
我们依然有联系，虽然是不同种族，我们依然友好~~
现在，进了大学……
大学第一年要结束了，来个总结吧！
大学的朋友有很多，可是真正知心的，应该就只有几个吧！！
不想把话说得太白，
希望我们的友情能一直维持下去~~
回头看了看，
自己的人生中，几乎是每个阶段都有不一样的朋友~~
而至于能不能维持，决定不在我身上~~
在我懂事以后，
就明白说要维持一段友情是不容易的，
除了要有心，也要有时机……
所以我说，我们有缘成为朋友，可是有没有份交深呢？？
一切都看天意吧~~
因为我还没有生日，还没有二十岁……
其实，回头看看，自己在经历每个阶段的时候都有不同的朋友陪我度过~~
从幼儿园谈起吧！！
幼儿园的朋友，我都不记得了……
记得的是我们一起度过很开心的两年……
大家天真无邪、无忧无虑的度过~~
可能是因为这样，所以并没有把大家的容貌给牢牢地记住！！
小学一二年级
也不记得大部分的同学了~~
只记得几个比较友好的！
那时，大家一起玩耍、一起上课，很愉快~~
可是，到了三年级因为分派到不同的班级后，大家开始疏远了~~
可能那时的我们还不懂得什么是友情吧！！
三年级，
在我记忆中，当时我并没有多少快乐的回忆~~
因为刚进精英班，压力很大~
而且还因为i考到不是很好的成绩，第一次为了成绩而哭……
其实，也不是不好，只是我不再是班上前三名了~~
小孩子并不懂得说要看全级的名次吧！！
为了成绩，我沮丧了很久！！
四五六年级，
进了李老师的班，很庆幸……
也认识了几个好朋友，大家为了成绩一起打拚~~
在这三年，也很庆幸的，自己的自信心漫漫的累积起来了！！
在那打打闹闹的三年中，我认识到了我认为的好友~~
可是，当上了初中一，一切都变了~~
由于我的UPSR的成绩并不好，所以被分派到1A4~~
我的好友们都在前面班！！
可能是因为这样，我们的友情开始面临考验~~
很不幸的，我的友情阵亡了！！
即使到现在，我们还是认识，可是就连见面都不懂要说些什么~~
第一次，我感到心痛~~
在1A4，使我在中学的日子里，最逍遥的~~
那里，我认识了很多不一样的朋友，
他们让我明白说前面班和后面班的不一样~~
他们对人对事都比较真！！
在年尾考试成绩揭晓时，我被分派到2A1……
那代表着我将会离开我的新朋友们~~
那意味着我将要再次失去朋友吗？？
到了初中二三和高中一二，
我都维持在同个班级，
至于我的新朋友们，
我们的友情大约维持了将近三年，就渐渐的淡了下来~~
就像我小学的朋友一样~~
一群朋友没了，可是又有一群新的朋友……
而这群朋友真的陪了我度过很长的一段日子，
到了现在，我们还有联络……
当我进到国民服务营地时，
也遇到了一群朋友陪我一起度过~~
一起熬过离开家人的日子、没有热水冲凉的日子、天天曝晒的日子、被罚、谈心等等……
在那里，大家都很团结、很明白说大家都是一国的~~
过了三个月，大家也分开了……
可能是一起度过“革命”，有了革命情怀，
我们依然有联络，
可能不是很熟络，可是偶尔来的一封简讯，
让我感动不已！！
至少我们没将彼此忘记~~
到了MATRIC的时候，
朋友是有啦！
可是，就已经开始变质了~~
开始有了尔虞我诈的心态了……
刚开始，我并没有发现到，
可是当我发现的时候，我无法接受~~
所以，就狠狠的一刀断了我们之间的友情！！
没了朋友，可是有了个开朗体贴的友族室友~~
她陪我度过我最难熬的日子，给我鼓励和信心！！
让我很勇敢的面对下去~~
过了MATRIC，
我们依然有联系，虽然是不同种族，我们依然友好~~
现在，进了大学……
大学第一年要结束了，来个总结吧！
大学的朋友有很多，可是真正知心的，应该就只有几个吧！！
不想把话说得太白，
希望我们的友情能一直维持下去~~
回头看了看，
自己的人生中，几乎是每个阶段都有不一样的朋友~~
而至于能不能维持，决定不在我身上~~
在我懂事以后，
就明白说要维持一段友情是不容易的，
除了要有心，也要有时机……
所以我说，我们有缘成为朋友，可是有没有份交深呢？？
一切都看天意吧~~
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