Decided...

Once decided, I won't look back
won't regret for my decision
won't feel sorry for anyone else

If really it appears that I make the wrong decision,
I won't blame myself for that but I'll take up the consequences..

So..
Friend, don't blame me for my decision..
It took me time to decide
and it seems like this is the best solution among all..
that suit both U and me..

朋友的定义~~

由始到今，我还在摸索着朋友的定义~~

我自认朋友不会少，可是真正走入我的世界的并不多~~

从小，我就羡慕姐姐可以有一个相识多年又了解她的好朋友~~

所以，我也很用心的去寻找属于我的好朋友~~

但，每每在我以为我找到的时候，就会发生些让我跌破眼镜的事~~

因为时间和距离上的关系，我很多段友情就这样没有了~~

现在，就算没有了距离和时间上的问题，

我和朋友之间还是有问题~~

我们的友情演变到真的比陌生人还要陌生~~~

算了吧！

我也不会再去勉强自己去继续这段友情了~~

一切都随缘了~~

当我狠下心要挽回的时候，

她的一举一动只会让我心灰意冷~~

好吧！既然你选择了以逃避的方式，

那我就成全你吧！

我想我以后都不会再理会她了吧！

这是我的方式~~

当朋友之间初现了问题的时候，

我曾经是过去解决，但她却……

既然她选择了一次又一次的逃避和糟蹋我的心思，

那代表着，她并不是我的朋友！！

因为，在我的定义里，朋友是不会一次又一次的伤害和糟蹋你的心思的~~

我已经给了她机会，让她选择，但她却以逃避来回应我~~

朋友，我没有多少时间陪你玩这种你逃我追的游戏~~

所以，再见啦！！

这是你希望的吧？

在你一次又一次的举动背后，是否隐藏着这个决定呢？

Seeking for true friendship~~

When I was in matriculation, I already wondering about this..
Now when I'm in Uni, still, I am thinking about this also..
I dare not say that I have plenty of bad experiences about friendship..
But from what I been through,
It makes me lost confidence on it..
I have plenty of friends, but those that able to enter my heart,
very few...
Not saying that I closed up myself but for me, friends are those who can understand you without saying another words..
I am now still seeking for true friendship..
althought I already lost the confidence and people around me are telling me the same thing..
I was wondering whether the friendship can last for how long??
How long can it stand??
Without quarrels?? With all the time and distand limit??
I was once being told by one of my friend's actions,
Friendship can end without a sign..
It can start without a sign and also end without a sign..
When it come to the end, both of us are like stranger to each other..
Not informing each other about the latest news of them,
Not wishing during new year or even birthday..
Or I shall say, it appears like we never know each other..
This is the sad part of the story..
and yet, I'll never give up on seeking true friendship..
No matter how long it can stand, I'll still put hope on it..
because no matter what,I did try my best on putting effort in it..

20岁的生日~~

20岁的生日了……

代表着我将永远告别十几岁的日子了……

20岁的生日过得有点混……

从星期四就开始庆祝了……

一直到星期六！！！

em……这次的生日我总共吃了5次的蛋糕，

其中有四次是不同时间吃的~~

天啊！难怪我会突然间肥去~~

要感谢陪我过生日的朋友们，

也要感谢没能陪我过但依然送上祝福的朋友……

还有感谢妈妈生我养我，还有爸爸的教诲让我比别人成长得更快~~

当然不会忘记亲爱的姐姐为我炮制的美味晚餐~~

20岁的生日正式的公布了我已经是成人了吗？

不，那还要等多一年，就是21岁时咯~~

不过有点想分享的~~

其实我同时间扮演了两个角色！！

在大学里，我是最小的~~

在我认识的朋友当中，我却是最大的~~

一时之间不能适应！！

我当老大当了十几年，来到这里却变成了小妹？？

哈哈，其实这很好啊！！

让我感受一下当最小的滋味吧~~

20 years old le~~

what does it means le??
means i'm getting older le??
haha.. actually it does not mean much to me..
because i din wait for 20 years old only then become mature..
i'm already mature enough (p/s: i mean thinking la)
haha.. maybe some don't agree but still I think I mature enough in some part de~~

what I do on 23rd May 2009??
em... I spent half day in timesquare with my old buddy and another half day at my sister house at sri serdang~~
honestly, I don't really know how I spent the time..
It was like wow then is 24th May already~~

by the way, still wanna say thank you to those who spent time together with me for celebration whether on 21st, 22nd, 23rd or 24th May and also on 6th May(genting trip)..
thanks those who greeting me and wishing me, whether on friendster, facebook, blogspot, or through sms de..
thanks my sister, MeiHorng for preparing such a wonderful dinner for me..
thanks her housemates, Psykids, Grace, MeiYi and Mei for the lovely cakes,
thanks LayMei and MeiWen for the presents and cards...
and thanks lot and lot of people ar~~

and of course never forget to thank my parents for raising me up...

em.. 20 years old le, really need to think of what is the next plan lo~~

落寞心情~~

这几天都很落寞，不懂为了什么………
在房间里，就快要发霉了，也不懂得要做些什么！！
一个人，过着这种孤单寂寞的日子，真是难熬~~

我并不是害怕孤单的人，
感觉上，从小，我就不曾孤单过，一直到Matric的时候~~

当时的我，只身到马六甲去，没有朋友~~
在那儿找到的朋友却又不是自己想要的，
做人原则不一样，让我们的友情就这样结束了~~

我想，我是那时候开始习惯一个人的生活吧！！
一个人回家，一个人吃饭，一个人冲凉，一个人发呆……
这种情况到了大学并没有多大的改变吧！
很多时候，我也是一个人的……

一个人在房间，一个人吃饭，一个人冲凉，一个人出去，一个人回家等等……
感觉上，自己好像很独立……
可是，很多时候，我是逼不得已的让自己学会了独立~~
当中的辛酸没有人会懂，除了自己~~

很多时候，我告诉自己要坚强，不可以哭，不可以懦弱……
因为我只有一个人……
家人们都不在身边了，不想做些让他们担心的事~~
所以一切一切，我都扛下了~~

朋友曾经说过，“像你一样的独立女性是不会明白的”
当时很想告诉她说，如果可以选的话，我也希望我可以不用酱独立~~
能有个可以让我依赖的人来分担~~

家人是我可以依赖的人，可是我不想再为他们添麻烦了……
我已经长大了，有了可以独当一面的能力了！
不想白发渐渐冒出的父母为我操心，不想姐姐在烦恼她的事情时还要分神来照顾我，也不想妹妹在努力读书时为了我而忧心~~
为了这一切一切，我让自己很早就学会了独立~

是独立惯了吗？
现在无论怎样，我很自动的就武装自己，
不让人家看得出自己的懦弱……
不想让人家为我操心~~

今天的我很感性，也不懂得为什么~~
写部落格是我发泄的方法之一吧！！

也可能是因为最近在想着到底要不要留在这里过生日吧！！
回家会很累也很浪费车票钱……
可是，留在这里，就真的是自己孤孤单单的过生日了~~
也不是说完全没有朋友在这里，
只是，大家都有彼此忙碌的生活……

生日真的那么重要吗？？
也还好吧！
只是，我需要时间好好调息自己的情绪和思想了~~

落寞的心情~~

这几天都很落寞，不懂为了什么………
在房间里，就快要发霉了，也不懂得要做些什么！！
一个人，过着这种孤单寂寞的日子，真是难熬~~

我并不是害怕孤单的人，
感觉上，从小，我就不曾孤单过，一直到Matric的时候~~

当时的我，只身到马六甲去，没有朋友~~
在那儿找到的朋友却又不是自己想要的，
做人原则不一样，让我们的友情就这样结束了~~

我想，我是那时候开始习惯一个人的生活吧！！
一个人回家，一个人吃饭，一个人冲凉，一个人发呆……
这种情况到了大学并没有多大的改变吧！
很多时候，我也是一个人的……

一个人在房间，一个人吃饭，一个人冲凉，一个人出去，一个人回家等等……
感觉上，自己好像很独立……
可是，很多时候，我是逼不得已的让自己学会了独立~~
当中的辛酸没有人会懂，除了自己~~

很多时候，我告诉自己要坚强，不可以哭，不可以懦弱……
因为我只有一个人……
家人们都不在身边了，不想做些让他们担心的事~~
所以一切一切，我都扛下了~~

朋友曾经说过，“像你一样的独立女性是不会明白的”
当时很想告诉她说，如果可以选的话，我也希望我可以不用酱独立~~
能有个可以让我依赖的人来分担~~

家人是我可以依赖的人，可是我不想再为他们添麻烦了……
我已经长大了，有了可以独当一面的能力了！
不想白发渐渐冒出的父母为我操心，不想姐姐在烦恼她的事情时还要分神来照顾我，也不想妹妹在努力读书时为了我而忧心~~
为了这一切一切，我让自己很早就学会了独立~

是独立惯了吗？
现在无论怎样，我很自动的就武装自己，
不让人家看得出自己的懦弱……
不想让人家为我操心~~

今天的我很感性，也不懂得为什么~~
写部落格是我发泄的方法之一吧！！

也可能是因为最近在想着到底要不要留在这里过生日吧！！
回家会很累也很浪费车票钱……
可是，留在这里，就真的是自己孤孤单单的过生日了~~
也不是说完全没有朋友在这里，
只是，大家都有彼此忙碌的生活……

生日真的那么重要吗？？
也还好吧！
只是，我需要时间好好调息自己的情绪和思想了~~

back to school~~

Last weekend, I went back Taiping for few purposes...
The first one is to celebrate my mum birthday which fall on 17th May..
The second one is to go back to SMJK HUA LIAN..

Why going back??
Since the headmaster now don't really like us to go back..

hehe..
Actually, I went back is because of CHOIR~~~

I was once the leader of Choir and now is my sister..
When we talked in the phone, she keep telling me that they havent really ready for the competition which fall on 16th May..

So, as a sister and also as a senior of Choir..
I decided to go back and try to help them..

I took 7am rapid bus from UKM and reach perhentian kajang around 7.30am..
I waited for about half and hour then only I get into the E2 rapid bus..
That is the 1st time I took E2 bus..

since it is an express bus, so it took me about one hour to reach petaling street..
I thought I will miss the 9 o'clock bus,
but luckily, the bus havent depart and I'm able to take that bus..

after about 4 hours, I reach Taiping..
then without wasting another minutes, I rush back to SMJK Hua Lian..

when I enter the hall and listen to all my juniors singing..
I nearly fainted..
It is really a mess..
all the tempo, pitch and expression are totally out..

due to we just have another one more day to go before the competition..
I can't do much changes to them but just trying to polish up the whole song.
In the meantime, I try to apply the motivation that I learn to them..
It seems like really work..

They all change from the learn helplessness to a more motivated state..
Although they didn't manage to become the champion but the 1st runner up..
It still means a lot to me..

within few hours,
and they let me see the huge improvement..
I'm really touch and din regret for my decision..
although it is tired to rush back but it means something to me..

from what I saw,
I saw the shadow of myself..

three years before,
I was one of them..
we all fight for our dreams,
fight for the competitions..
hope to beat up convent who are damn arrogant..
we cry when we won and also cry when we lose..

In the choir team,
we all share both tears and laughters..
I'll never forget about what I been through
and it helps me a lot in facing daily uni life..

To all my juniors,
like what I said, winning and losing is not important,
the main things that you all should look through is the process..
it is the process that make you grow up, not the winning or the lossing...
never give up and fight for the best...