Imbalanced me

It's been the Holidays that I waited for so long..
While taking some break time, I discover something within myself..

I notice that I started to become imbalance.
Imbalance in term of everything..
I am not as healthy as before, easily fall sick and get tired..
I am not as rational as before, emotion comes and goes easily..
I am not as steady as before, I doubt myself more and more frequent recently..

When I look at my coursemates, some of them are getting closer and closer..
Meanwhile I felt that I been so far away from them.
I neither wanna talk nor think about why it happen..
This make me reflect back on the Friendship issue I brought last time..

Friend,
What make a friend?
How people can be good friends?
Why people willing to spend time, effort, and energy on people that they call friend but not to the others?
Where can find those that are "gam" to be friends?
Who are those that can be consider friends and what differentiate them from others?
When can these friendship last for long?

For me,
Relationship, either friendship or romantic kind of relationship,
is fragile, very fragile..
X can be friend with B when problem 1 occur
X can be friend with C or D when problem 2,3 occur but no longer friend B..
Simple problems might kill the relationship..
A simple misunderstanding will cause a big trouble in the relationship..

Since it is so fragile, should we give more time on it?
But the matter is HOW?
Every single individual in this world have their own thinking and way of doing things.
Your way might match with individual A,B,C,D but not with X,Y,Z
Aren't it been very tiring if to match all by altering our own style?

As stated in my own profile there,
I describe myself as a rational and radical person..
Yes, indeed, I am still a rational and radical person..
I been tired of adjusting
I been tired of waiting
I been tired of hoping other to understand me
I been tired of seeing all those easy changed world
YET
This is the reality world
This is what happen in real life
This is what we call as LIFE

This post gonna be a real long one..
Am trying very hard to release all my imbalance emotions..
If I got the time, I want to get close to everyone that I wish to..
If I got the patient, I want to listen to all friends problem..
If I got the passion, I want to change all the bad and negative thinking among friends..
The matter is, I don't have all that..

Who don't wish to have a lot of friends and people care for them?
Who don't wish to get people listen to them?
I didn't mention my problems always doesn't mean I don't have problem..
It doesn't means that I don't need time from other to listen to me..
It doesn't means that I been so selfish that I care so little about others..

Yet, I am glad I have a bunch of best pals with me..
Thanks again to you guys!
When I think of you all, I felt much better and balanced back!


This holiday would be a right timing for me to balance up all things and get back to the usual me again!

p/s: This post is just a sharing of emotion and thought, not referring to any single object nor people ^^