yesterday something occurs..
out of a sudden..
although I'm not the one facing it..
still, i can sense that my heart broken..
why shall all this happen ?
just because of anger?
it is really dramatic,
it was still like yesterday that all of us are still close enough..
and now,
everythings changed...
just now,
i was told that everything will be fine..
that is their fate for it,
too much of changes that we try to bring to them..
and the God don't let all this things happen..
so, in another way, they reacted in this ways
hopefully that everything will really be fine..
although we cannot help in changing their fate,
but, i hope and pray that they shall survive in a better way..
dear God, I hope and pray for my aunt and her family to have a comfort life..
hope that things won't be too harsh for them..
hope that our relationship won't change in the way that she wished..
hope that their fate won't be the one that i wish not to see
sadly, i pray all this to my own God..
仙师，愿姑妈一家的命运不会是我不想看到的那种
虽然这是无法更改的命运，但我依旧会盼望有变化的一天
眼泪不自觉地流了满脸，
昨天刚得到消息时，只觉得很愤怒
当愤怒过后，随即而来的是悲伤
伤痛随着眼泪，慢慢地向我倾诉
但，一切都无法改变了
命运改不了
Search Engine
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escape
I feel like my soul is dying recently...
having no reason for everything..
unconsciously i know i'm escaping..
escape from all the responsiblity,hope, expectacy from others...
can I ask myself to stop all these??
can I ask myself not to give myself so much pressure??
I assume that all these while I've been too stress..
I'm so tired and I just wanna escape from all these..
and yet, my superego don't let me do all these..
all these while, when escaping..
deep in my soul, I feel so guilty for it..
guitly for not performing well,
guilty for not responsible at all..
I guess, I'm facing some sort of crisis within me
but, the question is, when will all these end le??
having no reason for everything..
unconsciously i know i'm escaping..
escape from all the responsiblity,hope, expectacy from others...
can I ask myself to stop all these??
can I ask myself not to give myself so much pressure??
I assume that all these while I've been too stress..
I'm so tired and I just wanna escape from all these..
and yet, my superego don't let me do all these..
all these while, when escaping..
deep in my soul, I feel so guilty for it..
guitly for not performing well,
guilty for not responsible at all..
I guess, I'm facing some sort of crisis within me
but, the question is, when will all these end le??
宁静的夜
忘了已经有多久没有静静的享受夜的宁静了
最近的天气都是阴森森的
晚上根本不需要开风扇都很冷
冰冷冷的夜让我想念家里那温暖的床
让我觉得冷冰冰的还有自己的心
*
最近的我，好像已经不是我了
没了动力，就像失去了灵魂
每天为了赶功课而赶
为了考试而赶
我已经忘记了读书的乐趣了
忘了自己寻找的方向
就在这迷茫，冰冷的夜晚
我迷失了自己
*
望着月光，盼望月光能替我寻回遗失了的我
没了灵魂的我，每天过着行尸走肉的生活
就像一台没有生命的机器人
为了达到目标，麻木地工作
*
内心有一股很强的力量想要放弃
放弃我一直追求的梦
可是为什么是在我如此靠近它时呢？
我不甘心，真的不甘心
为什么
为何要如此的耍我？
自己就像被两股拉力拉得几乎要崩溃了
*
继续，我没有动下去的理由
放弃，我不甘心一切就归于零
*
这一切一切的挣扎，让宁静的夜不再宁静~~
最近的天气都是阴森森的
晚上根本不需要开风扇都很冷
冰冷冷的夜让我想念家里那温暖的床
让我觉得冷冰冰的还有自己的心
*
最近的我，好像已经不是我了
没了动力，就像失去了灵魂
每天为了赶功课而赶
为了考试而赶
我已经忘记了读书的乐趣了
忘了自己寻找的方向
就在这迷茫，冰冷的夜晚
我迷失了自己
*
望着月光，盼望月光能替我寻回遗失了的我
没了灵魂的我，每天过着行尸走肉的生活
就像一台没有生命的机器人
为了达到目标，麻木地工作
*
内心有一股很强的力量想要放弃
放弃我一直追求的梦
可是为什么是在我如此靠近它时呢？
我不甘心，真的不甘心
为什么
为何要如此的耍我？
自己就像被两股拉力拉得几乎要崩溃了
*
继续，我没有动下去的理由
放弃，我不甘心一切就归于零
*
这一切一切的挣扎，让宁静的夜不再宁静~~
BusY...
can I ask myself to stop for a while??
er.. I should say can i ask all the assignments to stop pushing me anymore...
it's really been a busy month after all..
although it is busy time but still i seemed like losing the spirit on it..
I am just doing for the sake of doing it only..
I study just for the sake of exam or quiz..
hmm.. this is not the real me wo~~
I am the one so into study and get knowledge de wor,
how come now all change already??
I seemed like losing the passion on study le..
I just take 16 unit this sem but yet I feel like very very busy..
maybe is dunno how to really manage my time and I am so not motivated ar!!
should I get back to my motivation book and try to remotivate myself??
ArGHHhhh....
what should I really do ar??
Passion oH pAssion,
where are you?
why are you keep playing games with me??
fast fast come back to me la...
I wish that I could make some changes to my life now,
not to blame but appreciate all the stuff that I have..
sO, am I blaming??
er.. maybe gua..
I blamed my passion for leaving me all alone in UKM and with bundle of assignments..
I blamed myself for letting Passion go..
what a busy but meaningless life without Passion!!!
:S
:(
er.. I should say can i ask all the assignments to stop pushing me anymore...
it's really been a busy month after all..
although it is busy time but still i seemed like losing the spirit on it..
I am just doing for the sake of doing it only..
I study just for the sake of exam or quiz..
hmm.. this is not the real me wo~~
I am the one so into study and get knowledge de wor,
how come now all change already??
I seemed like losing the passion on study le..
I just take 16 unit this sem but yet I feel like very very busy..
maybe is dunno how to really manage my time and I am so not motivated ar!!
should I get back to my motivation book and try to remotivate myself??
ArGHHhhh....
what should I really do ar??
Passion oH pAssion,
where are you?
why are you keep playing games with me??
fast fast come back to me la...
I wish that I could make some changes to my life now,
not to blame but appreciate all the stuff that I have..
sO, am I blaming??
er.. maybe gua..
I blamed my passion for leaving me all alone in UKM and with bundle of assignments..
I blamed myself for letting Passion go..
what a busy but meaningless life without Passion!!!
:S
:(
饥饿三十
饥饿三十的活动过了几天了
现在才有时间真正分享我的感受
希望那些感觉并没有走样吧！！
虽然已经将感受都写在blogger 的部落格了，但还是觉得用华语最有feel
*************************************************************************************
第一次参加饥饿三十
没有办法想象自己是如何熬过那30小时的
也是第一次参加生活营
没想到自己是如此容易和人家打成一片的
第一次在30小时内只喝了5次的豆奶
第一次细细的品尝那得来不易的豆奶
第一次睡在SleepingBag上，
是五个人挤在两个SleepingBag上...
第一次参与如此High的演唱会
第一次看到光良，张惠妹，Daniel，Jaclyn VIctor，罗忆诗等等的艺人
第一次为自己生活在马来西亚而感到欣慰
第一次觉得自己是可以为这个社会出一分力的
还有很多很多的来不及说的第一次...
这次的体验，让我体会到更多的东西
很久以前，我记得我写过一篇叫知足就是幸福的部落
到了现在，我才可以算是真正了解到这句话的意义
所谓知足，就是不去埋怨生活上的苦恼和零零碎碎地东西
当我们正在埋怨宿舍没有冷气、没有得上网、食物很难吃等等的东西时，
是否知道，世界上每天有多少人是死于饥荒、疾病...
而现在的年轻人每天都在埋怨
尤其是对父母
还记得在营内是，司仪对我们说了这些让我觉得很感触的一些话
当我们一而再，再而三地向父母提出各种各样的要求时，
有没有想过其实父母并没有责任去达成我们无理的要求..
我们应该感谢父母生我们、养我们
而不是用埋怨的眼神来倾诉我们所谓的不满
我们真的很幸福了
出生在一个没有天灾的马来西亚
并不需要在每天生活的时候，都要提心吊胆的
我们真的很幸福了，
有疼爱我们的父母
有机会上大学
有机会接触到很多不一样的东西...
饥饿三十让我最感动的地方是，当我看到有这么多的人一起为这个世界一起在努力
虽然我不知道有多少人是为了张惠妹而去的
或是为了别的明星而参加的
但我知道我参加的目的并不是为此
因为我知道很多东西，体会过，才会明白那感受
同样的，体会过饥饿，才会明白食物的珍贵
也同样的，体验到这世界的不公平
我们同样出生于这个世界，但为何她们需要面对饥荒、疾病、贫穷的恐吓
同样是人类，为何他们需要过那些不是人过的生活呢？
感受到了那不公平，因而明白自己是多么的幸福
所以适当地调试了自己的心态，觉得这个世界会更加地美丽
因为我是抱着一颗感恩的心去看世界
“知足常乐，活在当下”
现在才有时间真正分享我的感受
希望那些感觉并没有走样吧！！
虽然已经将感受都写在blogger 的部落格了，但还是觉得用华语最有feel
*************************************************************************************
第一次参加饥饿三十
没有办法想象自己是如何熬过那30小时的
也是第一次参加生活营
没想到自己是如此容易和人家打成一片的
第一次在30小时内只喝了5次的豆奶
第一次细细的品尝那得来不易的豆奶
第一次睡在SleepingBag上，
是五个人挤在两个SleepingBag上...
第一次参与如此High的演唱会
第一次看到光良，张惠妹，Daniel，Jaclyn VIctor，罗忆诗等等的艺人
第一次为自己生活在马来西亚而感到欣慰
第一次觉得自己是可以为这个社会出一分力的
还有很多很多的来不及说的第一次...
这次的体验，让我体会到更多的东西
很久以前，我记得我写过一篇叫知足就是幸福的部落
到了现在，我才可以算是真正了解到这句话的意义
所谓知足，就是不去埋怨生活上的苦恼和零零碎碎地东西
当我们正在埋怨宿舍没有冷气、没有得上网、食物很难吃等等的东西时，
是否知道，世界上每天有多少人是死于饥荒、疾病...
而现在的年轻人每天都在埋怨
尤其是对父母
还记得在营内是，司仪对我们说了这些让我觉得很感触的一些话
当我们一而再，再而三地向父母提出各种各样的要求时，
有没有想过其实父母并没有责任去达成我们无理的要求..
我们应该感谢父母生我们、养我们
而不是用埋怨的眼神来倾诉我们所谓的不满
我们真的很幸福了
出生在一个没有天灾的马来西亚
并不需要在每天生活的时候，都要提心吊胆的
我们真的很幸福了，
有疼爱我们的父母
有机会上大学
有机会接触到很多不一样的东西...
饥饿三十让我最感动的地方是，当我看到有这么多的人一起为这个世界一起在努力
虽然我不知道有多少人是为了张惠妹而去的
或是为了别的明星而参加的
但我知道我参加的目的并不是为此
因为我知道很多东西，体会过，才会明白那感受
同样的，体会过饥饿，才会明白食物的珍贵
也同样的，体验到这世界的不公平
我们同样出生于这个世界，但为何她们需要面对饥荒、疾病、贫穷的恐吓
同样是人类，为何他们需要过那些不是人过的生活呢？
感受到了那不公平，因而明白自己是多么的幸福
所以适当地调试了自己的心态，觉得这个世界会更加地美丽
因为我是抱着一颗感恩的心去看世界
“知足常乐，活在当下”
Famine 3o hOuRs~~~
the famine 30 hours is really a good experience for me..
I never thought that I can tahan until 30 hours without any intake of solid food!!
really gonna give a round applause to myself lo!!
when I first enter the primary school where our DIY camp took place, I feel like a bit excited because that was my very first time joing camp..
previously I din have any chance to go any camp and i was a bit too lazy to go..
but this camp is really a good start for me la..
although all are UKMer and mostly we know each other le, hmm, not know but recognize the face la..
throughout the process, I felt great because we really work in a team and no arguing and fighting lo..
I enjoyed it very very much..
I am also very touch when I think about ourselves compare to those pity children in all around the world..
I realised that God treated us very nicely where we can have all the basic needs that we want..
Those children have nothing but they never blame
while we, have what they don't have pula keep complaining here and there..
we blame the government, we blame our parents, we blame anything except for ourselves..
That really gave me a great impact onto myself..
after the 24 hours of DIY camp, we went to bukil jalil for the another 6 hours of countdown..
sometimes, I was wondering, whether I come for the meaning of it or just entertainment???
Yes, the last 6 hours is mainly about entertaiment lo..
people there were really HIGH in mood
er.. included me as well.. ^^
especially when A-Mei appear, those people are really like running out of mind..
although we don't have much energy left, we still jumped up and moved our body as the rhythm goes and screamed as loud as possible lo...
Let's have a conclusion on it,
I gain a lot throughout these famine 30 hours..
experience, friends, thoughts and also an appreciation heart...
I never thought that I can tahan until 30 hours without any intake of solid food!!
really gonna give a round applause to myself lo!!
when I first enter the primary school where our DIY camp took place, I feel like a bit excited because that was my very first time joing camp..
previously I din have any chance to go any camp and i was a bit too lazy to go..
but this camp is really a good start for me la..
although all are UKMer and mostly we know each other le, hmm, not know but recognize the face la..
throughout the process, I felt great because we really work in a team and no arguing and fighting lo..
I enjoyed it very very much..
I am also very touch when I think about ourselves compare to those pity children in all around the world..
I realised that God treated us very nicely where we can have all the basic needs that we want..
Those children have nothing but they never blame
while we, have what they don't have pula keep complaining here and there..
we blame the government, we blame our parents, we blame anything except for ourselves..
That really gave me a great impact onto myself..
after the 24 hours of DIY camp, we went to bukil jalil for the another 6 hours of countdown..
sometimes, I was wondering, whether I come for the meaning of it or just entertainment???
Yes, the last 6 hours is mainly about entertaiment lo..
people there were really HIGH in mood
er.. included me as well.. ^^
especially when A-Mei appear, those people are really like running out of mind..
although we don't have much energy left, we still jumped up and moved our body as the rhythm goes and screamed as loud as possible lo...
Let's have a conclusion on it,
I gain a lot throughout these famine 30 hours..
experience, friends, thoughts and also an appreciation heart...
黄品莹~~
她，是我其中一个死党
即将飞往美国深造
我们认识了将近十年，可是真正交深是在中二的时候
我眼中的品莹是个乖巧的学生
是个早熟的孩子
每每都深思熟虑，露出一脸老神在在的样子
明明就小过我，可是却又好像明白事理过我
每每在聚会的时候，适当的扮演者聆听者的角色
很多时候，我会很GERAM啦
每次都是我在讲，她们好像一直听一直听地
可是每每品莹就会回答我，“你比较会讲嘛！我当聆听者就好”
其实一点都不好！！
朋友之间的聚会就是交流可沟通嘛，干吗不讲话呢？？
她是个懂事的人，也懂得规划自己的未来
在我们还未决定好未来时，她已经知道自己想要的是什么了
虽然她每天都说，都是看在钱的份上
可是我想告诉她的是，至少那是你要的
相信自己的选择吧！！
她啊！不该说她是沉默寡言，应该说她是别扭吧！^^
不善于表达于是沉默
也有可能是因为害羞..erm, 这个可能性应该只有百分之一吧！！
因为我认识的黄品莹是很厚脸皮的~~哈哈
现在，这个充满想法的女生即将飞向她的梦想
到美国去圆她的出国深造梦！！
身位好友的我，岂能袖手旁观呢？？
没有献上任何物质上的礼物，只好在这里写上动人的几句
再加上精神上的支持，无论你有任何问题，都可以来找我
msn, facebook, friendster, 或者是blog 也可以
我一定尽全力帮你的~~
感动吧？？ 我知道你一定会看得，因为是你提醒我要写的
否则还真的不记得了吧！！
老友，保重啊！！到了那里，记得多多和人家socialsocial， 外国是不一样的啊！！
加油咯，等待你毕业的那一天吧！！
友，
恩万上
即将飞往美国深造
我们认识了将近十年，可是真正交深是在中二的时候
我眼中的品莹是个乖巧的学生
是个早熟的孩子
每每都深思熟虑，露出一脸老神在在的样子
明明就小过我，可是却又好像明白事理过我
每每在聚会的时候，适当的扮演者聆听者的角色
很多时候，我会很GERAM啦
每次都是我在讲，她们好像一直听一直听地
可是每每品莹就会回答我，“你比较会讲嘛！我当聆听者就好”
其实一点都不好！！
朋友之间的聚会就是交流可沟通嘛，干吗不讲话呢？？
她是个懂事的人，也懂得规划自己的未来
在我们还未决定好未来时，她已经知道自己想要的是什么了
虽然她每天都说，都是看在钱的份上
可是我想告诉她的是，至少那是你要的
相信自己的选择吧！！
她啊！不该说她是沉默寡言，应该说她是别扭吧！^^
不善于表达于是沉默
也有可能是因为害羞..erm, 这个可能性应该只有百分之一吧！！
因为我认识的黄品莹是很厚脸皮的~~哈哈
现在，这个充满想法的女生即将飞向她的梦想
到美国去圆她的出国深造梦！！
身位好友的我，岂能袖手旁观呢？？
没有献上任何物质上的礼物，只好在这里写上动人的几句
再加上精神上的支持，无论你有任何问题，都可以来找我
msn, facebook, friendster, 或者是blog 也可以
我一定尽全力帮你的~~
感动吧？？ 我知道你一定会看得，因为是你提醒我要写的
否则还真的不记得了吧！！
老友，保重啊！！到了那里，记得多多和人家socialsocial， 外国是不一样的啊！！
加油咯，等待你毕业的那一天吧！！
友，
恩万上
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