System Restore...

I guess all of you know that previously I was damn stress

never want to deny about that, and now I still feel stress but not that much already

I wish my life can like the laptop, whenever somethings wrong, just choose system restore and everything will be fine and Okay already..

Yet this the reality, So that means I need to take off the fantasy and walk back to the reality life.

Previously, when I talked to Grace regarding the changes in me,

I was quite shock when she told me that the changes that she sensed in me was that the friendliness of mine..

She told me that previously I was hard to approach, not as friendly as now

I never thought I was that obvious.

I guess that's because of my defense mechanism.

I tend to put myself on a mask to protect myself

and I don't actually know since when I was like that,

was it after the Matriculation time?

Was it after the secondary school period?

Honestly, I have no idea...

Talking back to my secondary school period,

there wasn't much that I can say about

I think that time I was not easy to approach as well

Senior once told me that I was COOL

Back to my classroom, classmates say I was fierce and irritating

When I knew that they think that I was irritating,

I was quite sad, really, SAD..

and no one actually know what I felt..

I guess since I really get myself into mature duration,

these things never stop happening

Am I too rational that I always spoiled things?

especially during that stupid adolescent time?

Sometimes, I asked myself, why?

why should I be mature that early?

Why I just cant enjoy that time as innocent and as stupid as others?

Why must I think that much?

Why my social skills that poor?

hundred and thousand of questions ran through my mind,

just hope to get an answer...

talking back to the conversation with Grace,

she said that I was so good in hiding my emotions

because she always see me in a very cheerful, happy mode rather than the sad mode that I claimed..

Never deny about that, I was hiding

I was not used to telling people about my problems

and sometimes, I hope that I can

just that I really not used to it

My dad used to be the one, I guess is just him..

at least now is just him..

Even my closest friends, I never tell them at the moment that I feel bad or sad

I'll tell them afterward, during the once in awhile gathering

I guess this is me, ya, this is what make up ME!!!

Hope that I can now at least try to tell someone other than my dad

Hope that this stupid defense mechanism will disappear

Hope that everything will like system restore,

once restore and things getting back to NORMAL mode

宁静的夜_我的回忆

今天，感觉上没有要温习的心情

刚刚回想了过去19年来自己的心态

*

从小，我就是一个很爱逞强、爱面子、不服输的小孩

不懂何时开始，成绩就是我证明我实力的方法

我从来就不懂被抛在后头的感觉是如何

因为我从来就不曾..

一直到小六结束时，

UPSR成绩出炉了， 而我可笑的竟是被抛在后头的~~

我一直引以为傲的华文作文，竟然是害我跌倒的！！

*

跌倒过，明白了那种被人抛在后头的感觉了

所以我很奋力的念书

我想证明说我比别人都强

想证明给嘲笑我的人

*

终于，我的付出得到了回报

从此，我就很害怕失败的感觉

所谓失败不是什么

而是被抛在后头的感觉

*

或许我很幸运

也或许我真的很拼

一直到我中五毕业

我的成绩都是标青的

至少在我家人眼中是！

至少我能做到让父母感到光荣的女儿

至少让出身于咖啡店的我们向别人证明说我们是强的

因为我知道，

其实妈妈没说但她是自卑的

当看到父母脸上的光荣，

让我感到欣慰

至少我为我们家争光了

*

这种念头到了预科班时

更是强烈了~~

我告诉自己，

只要辛苦那一年

一年就好了

痛苦过了，彩虹就会来到我的世界了

我很想在Matric时拿到4Flat

好让父母可以光荣的告诉人家说，

“我女儿Matric是4Flat毕业的”

至少我的人生中曾经拿过4Flat

感谢天，祂让我的梦成真了

*

现在，

到了大学第二年了

什么感觉都没有了

不管是为了不被抛在后头还是要为了父母而争光

都好像撼动不了我了

*

距离考试越来越近了，

而我却到现在没能解决此困境

怎么办呢？？

我不想看到父母脸上失望的表情

我不想看到自己得到成绩是晴天霹雳的表情

我不想说1st Year辛苦累计的成绩被这次连累

还有很都很多的不想，

但我还是提不起劲

只能告诉自己加油咯~~

尽力就好吧！！

害怕

生平第一次，我感到害怕了

害怕考试的来临

时间越来越少

成功装进脑子里的并没有越来越多

没把握啊！！！

*

除了考试

昨天，我真的害怕了

我房间出现了两只大蜘蛛

不懂只有两只还是还有更多

就在解决蜘蛛的霎那

感到异常的害怕

是发出内心的怕

*

大蜘蛛

从小就是我的唯一死穴

很怕

真的很怕

*

虽然害怕

但我依然把它们解决了

盼望说

我也能如此冷静的解决我的另一恐惧

changes in me...

I believe that me that you are looking now or knowing now is not the same as the me in the past..
Dare not say huge changes in me..
but I think I really change a lot la..

Changes are good, by the way..
I was once very hot tempter, impatient, rude
er.. although not much improvement
but at least the degree of each bad characteristic already decrease lo..

I'm still learning,
how to become a better person..
through all the social interactions
There's no one in this world is perfect de..
but I hope I can be a better person than now la..

We all learn from mistakes and obstacles
It makes us more strong and tough
and from there we know what's our weaknesses and strength..
After knowing that, then we can try to build up the strength and overcome the weaknesses..

I admit that I'm not a really "good" person...
As I mentioned in the profile description,
I am a quite "radical" person,
when I "beh song" that time I'll directly show out de..
I won't care so much la..
and perhaps because of that, I 得罪lots of people..

Haiz, what to do?
Sometimes really cannot control myself..
At least now better le
because at least now I can tahan not to release the anger out in front of that person...

Sharing all these just because I realise that there's really quite a lot of changes in me la..
If you know me since I was young, then I believe you get what I mean de..
hehe^^

Random~~

Was wondering what to do now~~

assignments still haven't really finish but.. not feeling doing it..

exam is coming and haven't really revision but.. not feeling starting it..

Lastly, think of writing something in this blog site lo~~

Yesterday I found out that my younger sister is currently facing some friendship problem

Thought of can talk to her in MSN or phone de.

but she seems like already go to bed le..

Never mind, I shall call her tomorrow la..

Thinking about her problems,

then I realize that she is actually facing the kind of same thing that I faced in the past..

Not knowing whether this is just a coincident or all the friendship problems are alike la..

Really hope that MM will handle the problem with wisdom lo..

Besides that, I was still wondering about my Psycho-drama..

According to Mr. Boe, it was impressive!!! although I don't know where's the part that impress him la..

Not only that, I think that it is a very simple story line wo~~

Plus we just practice for few hours on that day itself..

Hmm.. really should thank God la..

By the way, Mr. Boe is really a very nice person la

He so nice at sharing his knowledge and feel so glad that he is our tutor

although sometimes his homeworks and assignments almost drive me crazy!!!

Yesterday also,

I went pasar malam with Grace and Siew Chee..

It was a wonderful trip

I spend around RM35 within a single night

Including the transport and also one RM5 de T-Shirt which is very dai de!!!

The rest of it would be food lo~~

haha.. can imagine how much food that I eat within that particular night lo~~

Overall, it was fun... although just 3 of us.. ^^

This post is really random de lo..

I think of anything then me jao write lo..

a bit messy

a bit unrelated to each other

a bit ... too... LAME!!!

:p

New blog template

I just updated the blog template into a new one..
still it is green colour in major..
Because I like green.. ^^

changing the blog template means I lost some of the gadget as well..
so, I make some changes lo..

Personally, I like this new blog template..
seems cool and more artistic compare to the previous one...

Hope you guys like it as well lo~~
^_^

幸福

我发现自己真的很幸福

我身边有很多很多关心我的人

尤其当我post上上个部落时

身边的朋友都很关心

很想在这里告诉大家

我没事了~~

冷战即将步入和解了

因为我终于学会了放下

倍感孤独的中秋

今年的中秋

并没有回家

感到异常的孤独

人家说，独在异乡为异客，每逢佳节倍思亲

现在的我

终于明白了

*

最近，为了面子和口气

跟姐姐闹得很不愉快

即使明白说那只是很小的一回事

我始终拉不下脸

即使姐姐已经不顾面子的拉下脸

我还是很狠心的把它推开

*

爱面子的我

总是喜欢把自己弄得进退两难的地步

很倔强地不愿道歉

很固执地坚守着自己的原则

*

其实我很想大哭一场

告诉她，其实她深深地伤到我了

也想告诉她，其实我很敏感

很想告诉她，我没有她想象中的坚强

我也会想要有依赖人的时刻

否则，我不会不时不时往她家跑

因为我渴望被人呵护的感觉

*

当事情发生后

没有谅解也没有原谅

我很想不计前嫌

可是我始终忘不了那被人背叛的感觉

就连爸爸，我也开不了口告诉他

这一切一切就这样埋在我的心里几个星期了

*

表面上的我好像若无其事

可是我知道

我的心是寒的

是失望的

是孤独的

*

当这样的我遇上了今年的中秋，

我崩溃了

Love=investment??

It's been a long time din update this blog le...
Was kind of busy past few weeks and this going to continue until the end of the final exam ba!!
By the way, yesterday during the AIESEC AG6,
while having the mega world cafe session, there was a guy who bring up this topic!!
"love is like an investment"

hmm... cannot deny what he said but I still don't think so lo..
He said that when people fallen in love, the mostly the guys will have to kind of invest
and the investment of course is about all the treating food, buying presents, time sacrificing and so on..

For me, love is basically build upon trust..
when talking all about "investment", it's kind of materialised the meaning of love already..
if you think lost at the first point you "invest", then what is the purpose of falling in love wor~~

Yala, cannot deny that romance love will fade when the component that of love fade..
It is an investment..
but not as that bad as the guy think lo..

选择性的回忆

如果我说，人生中有许多的回忆

而有些回忆是可以选择性的保留或删除

不知你们同意吗？

*

我曾经有过一段回忆

是连我自己都不知道要如何归位的回忆

曾经，我以为那是我不愿再提起的回忆

我以为它会从我生命中消失

只要我不再去触碰它

可惜，这只是我很鸵鸟的逃避心态

*

一旦成为了回忆，永远就是回忆

怎样都删除不了的

过去了的回忆

怎么改也改不了

错过的，也只能让它随烟而去

消失在空中

*

很想告诉自己

别再去想了

过去的是改变不了了

缅甸过去不是我一贯的作风

无可否认的，

在那过去中，我曾经很开心过

但始终，我最介意的不是那些

*

一个没有解决过的问题，

就像是被埋藏起来的地雷

不去触碰就被遗忘了

可是，当一不小心碰到时

所带来的爆发力

却是无穷地大...

*

今天的我，

不是想埋怨什么

而是想很平静地将我的想法透露

不想再引起任何的误会

不想再一味地沉迷在过去的伤痛中

也不想将这段回忆归类成“等待删除类“

如果可以的话，

我想知道真相

那也只是如果

因为我知道，你们伤得和我一样重

五味参杂...

今天，我的心情像一锅五味参杂的杂锦汤

痛，每月的报到让我身理心里都很不舒服

忧，为还没有做好准备的Quiz担心

乐，自己可以很有规律的完成所定下的目标

烦，今晚的meeting的出席率

恨，不负责任的“人”

其实还有的，

一切一切都应该从那刻开始，

发现“她”在Facebook Add 了我，

approve 了之后，发现她有个Blog

好奇之下，就把她的部落看完了

就在当下，勾起了太多太多回忆

算是美好回忆还是不堪回首的回忆呢？

我也不懂

但我知道，如果同样的事情一再的发生，

我应该还是会做一样的决定的

想了很久，决定在其中一个有关的部落上留言

我也不懂道理这样子做到底是对还是错

或许是因为身理上的不舒服吧！

看着看着，我的心情也跟着沉重起来

因为那一切都勾起了我在Matric不愉快的回忆

Matric时期，我很痛苦

我找不到了解我的人

感觉上每天都是一个人

曾经，她们是我依靠的对象

但日子久了，发现自己融不入

痛苦也随即而来

虽然这些都已经过了接近两年了

可是我忘不了

同样的，我发现我的缘故，使得大家都不好受

我很想知道，难道我是个这么令人讨厌的人吗？

我真的不懂得如何跟人家相处吗？

不然，为何我无法在那一年内寻得知心朋友呢？

朋友啊！

如果你看到这篇部落时，

请不要吝啬的写下你的意见..

虽然我不在意别人的看法，

但这是我个人人格问题吧！

终究应该知道的~~

因为这些回忆，让我苦哈哈得过了一个下午

相信没得到一个答案我是不会甘心的吧！

Dramatic...

yesterday something occurs..
out of a sudden..
although I'm not the one facing it..
still, i can sense that my heart broken..
why shall all this happen ?
just because of anger?
it is really dramatic,
it was still like yesterday that all of us are still close enough..
and now,
everythings changed...

just now,
i was told that everything will be fine..
that is their fate for it,
too much of changes that we try to bring to them..
and the God don't let all this things happen..
so, in another way, they reacted in this ways

hopefully that everything will really be fine..
although we cannot help in changing their fate,
but, i hope and pray that they shall survive in a better way..
dear God, I hope and pray for my aunt and her family to have a comfort life..
hope that things won't be too harsh for them..
hope that our relationship won't change in the way that she wished..
hope that their fate won't be the one that i wish not to see

sadly, i pray all this to my own God..
仙师，愿姑妈一家的命运不会是我不想看到的那种
虽然这是无法更改的命运，但我依旧会盼望有变化的一天
眼泪不自觉地流了满脸，
昨天刚得到消息时，只觉得很愤怒
当愤怒过后，随即而来的是悲伤
伤痛随着眼泪，慢慢地向我倾诉
但，一切都无法改变了
命运改不了

任性

最近的我，很任性

任性地想逃避

任性地不想负责任

任性地颓废

一如上一个部落所说的

我失去自我了

*

今天，知道了MID SEM EXAM 的成绩

很差，真的很差

可是它却再也引不起我的斗志了

朋友很讶异地看着我

当她知道的时候

haiz，

我也不懂，

感觉上，成绩已经不是能激发我的工具了

*

之前，很想说

我很想任性一下

不想面对这么多

可现在的我，

算是已经任性够了

*

难道，成人的世界就是这样吗？

那我可以很任性地说，

我不想长大吗？

我的理智告诉我

不可能

*

有时候在想，

早熟的我是否错过了太多太多可以任性的时候呢？

escape

I feel like my soul is dying recently...
having no reason for everything..
unconsciously i know i'm escaping..
escape from all the responsiblity,hope, expectacy from others...
can I ask myself to stop all these??
can I ask myself not to give myself so much pressure??

I assume that all these while I've been too stress..
I'm so tired and I just wanna escape from all these..
and yet, my superego don't let me do all these..
all these while, when escaping..
deep in my soul, I feel so guilty for it..
guitly for not performing well,
guilty for not responsible at all..

I guess, I'm facing some sort of crisis within me
but, the question is, when will all these end le??

宁静的夜

忘了已经有多久没有静静的享受夜的宁静了

最近的天气都是阴森森的

晚上根本不需要开风扇都很冷

冰冷冷的夜让我想念家里那温暖的床

让我觉得冷冰冰的还有自己的心

*

最近的我，好像已经不是我了

没了动力，就像失去了灵魂

每天为了赶功课而赶

为了考试而赶

我已经忘记了读书的乐趣了

忘了自己寻找的方向

就在这迷茫，冰冷的夜晚

我迷失了自己

*

望着月光，盼望月光能替我寻回遗失了的我

没了灵魂的我，每天过着行尸走肉的生活

就像一台没有生命的机器人

为了达到目标，麻木地工作

*

内心有一股很强的力量想要放弃

放弃我一直追求的梦

可是为什么是在我如此靠近它时呢？

我不甘心，真的不甘心

为什么

为何要如此的耍我？

自己就像被两股拉力拉得几乎要崩溃了

*

继续，我没有动下去的理由

放弃，我不甘心一切就归于零

*

这一切一切的挣扎，让宁静的夜不再宁静~~

BusY...

can I ask myself to stop for a while??
er.. I should say can i ask all the assignments to stop pushing me anymore...
it's really been a busy month after all..
although it is busy time but still i seemed like losing the spirit on it..
I am just doing for the sake of doing it only..
I study just for the sake of exam or quiz..
hmm.. this is not the real me wo~~

I am the one so into study and get knowledge de wor,
how come now all change already??
I seemed like losing the passion on study le..

I just take 16 unit this sem but yet I feel like very very busy..
maybe is dunno how to really manage my time and I am so not motivated ar!!

should I get back to my motivation book and try to remotivate myself??
ArGHHhhh....
what should I really do ar??
Passion oH pAssion,
where are you?
why are you keep playing games with me??
fast fast come back to me la...

I wish that I could make some changes to my life now,
not to blame but appreciate all the stuff that I have..
sO, am I blaming??
er.. maybe gua..
I blamed my passion for leaving me all alone in UKM and with bundle of assignments..
I blamed myself for letting Passion go..

what a busy but meaningless life without Passion!!!
:S
:(

饥饿三十

饥饿三十的活动过了几天了

现在才有时间真正分享我的感受

希望那些感觉并没有走样吧！！

虽然已经将感受都写在blogger 的部落格了，但还是觉得用华语最有feel

*************************************************************************************

第一次参加饥饿三十

没有办法想象自己是如何熬过那30小时的

也是第一次参加生活营

没想到自己是如此容易和人家打成一片的

第一次在30小时内只喝了5次的豆奶

第一次细细的品尝那得来不易的豆奶

第一次睡在SleepingBag上，

是五个人挤在两个SleepingBag上...

第一次参与如此High的演唱会

第一次看到光良，张惠妹，Daniel，Jaclyn VIctor，罗忆诗等等的艺人

第一次为自己生活在马来西亚而感到欣慰

第一次觉得自己是可以为这个社会出一分力的

还有很多很多的来不及说的第一次...

这次的体验，让我体会到更多的东西

很久以前，我记得我写过一篇叫知足就是幸福的部落

到了现在，我才可以算是真正了解到这句话的意义

所谓知足，就是不去埋怨生活上的苦恼和零零碎碎地东西

当我们正在埋怨宿舍没有冷气、没有得上网、食物很难吃等等的东西时，

是否知道，世界上每天有多少人是死于饥荒、疾病...

而现在的年轻人每天都在埋怨

尤其是对父母

还记得在营内是，司仪对我们说了这些让我觉得很感触的一些话

当我们一而再，再而三地向父母提出各种各样的要求时，

有没有想过其实父母并没有责任去达成我们无理的要求..

我们应该感谢父母生我们、养我们

而不是用埋怨的眼神来倾诉我们所谓的不满

我们真的很幸福了

出生在一个没有天灾的马来西亚

并不需要在每天生活的时候，都要提心吊胆的

我们真的很幸福了，

有疼爱我们的父母

有机会上大学

有机会接触到很多不一样的东西...

饥饿三十让我最感动的地方是，当我看到有这么多的人一起为这个世界一起在努力

虽然我不知道有多少人是为了张惠妹而去的

或是为了别的明星而参加的

但我知道我参加的目的并不是为此

因为我知道很多东西，体会过，才会明白那感受

同样的，体会过饥饿，才会明白食物的珍贵

也同样的，体验到这世界的不公平

我们同样出生于这个世界，但为何她们需要面对饥荒、疾病、贫穷的恐吓

同样是人类，为何他们需要过那些不是人过的生活呢？

感受到了那不公平，因而明白自己是多么的幸福

所以适当地调试了自己的心态，觉得这个世界会更加地美丽

因为我是抱着一颗感恩的心去看世界

“知足常乐，活在当下”

Famine 3o hOuRs~~~

the famine 30 hours is really a good experience for me..
I never thought that I can tahan until 30 hours without any intake of solid food!!
really gonna give a round applause to myself lo!!

when I first enter the primary school where our DIY camp took place, I feel like a bit excited because that was my very first time joing camp..
previously I din have any chance to go any camp and i was a bit too lazy to go..
but this camp is really a good start for me la..
although all are UKMer and mostly we know each other le, hmm, not know but recognize the face la..

throughout the process, I felt great because we really work in a team and no arguing and fighting lo..
I enjoyed it very very much..

I am also very touch when I think about ourselves compare to those pity children in all around the world..
I realised that God treated us very nicely where we can have all the basic needs that we want..
Those children have nothing but they never blame
while we, have what they don't have pula keep complaining here and there..
we blame the government, we blame our parents, we blame anything except for ourselves..
That really gave me a great impact onto myself..

after the 24 hours of DIY camp, we went to bukil jalil for the another 6 hours of countdown..
sometimes, I was wondering, whether I come for the meaning of it or just entertainment???
Yes, the last 6 hours is mainly about entertaiment lo..
people there were really HIGH in mood
er.. included me as well.. ^^
especially when A-Mei appear, those people are really like running out of mind..
although we don't have much energy left, we still jumped up and moved our body as the rhythm goes and screamed as loud as possible lo...

Let's have a conclusion on it,
I gain a lot throughout these famine 30 hours..
experience, friends, thoughts and also an appreciation heart...

黄品莹~~

她，是我其中一个死党

即将飞往美国深造

我们认识了将近十年，可是真正交深是在中二的时候

我眼中的品莹是个乖巧的学生

是个早熟的孩子

每每都深思熟虑，露出一脸老神在在的样子

明明就小过我，可是却又好像明白事理过我

每每在聚会的时候，适当的扮演者聆听者的角色

很多时候，我会很GERAM啦

每次都是我在讲，她们好像一直听一直听地

可是每每品莹就会回答我，“你比较会讲嘛！我当聆听者就好”

其实一点都不好！！

朋友之间的聚会就是交流可沟通嘛，干吗不讲话呢？？

她是个懂事的人，也懂得规划自己的未来

在我们还未决定好未来时，她已经知道自己想要的是什么了

虽然她每天都说，都是看在钱的份上

可是我想告诉她的是，至少那是你要的

相信自己的选择吧！！

她啊！不该说她是沉默寡言，应该说她是别扭吧！^^

不善于表达于是沉默

也有可能是因为害羞..erm, 这个可能性应该只有百分之一吧！！

因为我认识的黄品莹是很厚脸皮的~~哈哈

现在，这个充满想法的女生即将飞向她的梦想

到美国去圆她的出国深造梦！！

身位好友的我，岂能袖手旁观呢？？

没有献上任何物质上的礼物，只好在这里写上动人的几句

再加上精神上的支持，无论你有任何问题，都可以来找我

msn, facebook, friendster, 或者是blog 也可以

我一定尽全力帮你的~~

感动吧？？ 我知道你一定会看得，因为是你提醒我要写的

否则还真的不记得了吧！！

老友，保重啊！！到了那里，记得多多和人家socialsocial， 外国是不一样的啊！！

加油咯，等待你毕业的那一天吧！！

友，

恩万上

是时候了

是时候应该加油了

不该在浪费时间在无为的东西上了

应该好好想想自己的目标

好让自己有个前进的方向

奋斗心，你在哪里？

快快出现，让我好好的冲刺一番吧！！

无聊

很久都没为这个部落格写上中文的部落了~~
因为几个原因咯
其一，我有个专写中文的部落格，就是Friendster 的那个
其二，有些朋友不懂得中文啊！
其三，不想为两个部落格写上一样的东西吧，至少，语言不一样
其四，可以加强自己的语言能力嘛！！

不过说真的，我还是比较喜欢写中文，
毕竟，使我们华人的文化吧！！
再加上本人的中文造诣比较好，写出来的东西也比较容易触动心絃

其实，是有点无聊，所以才写上几句的~~ hehe^^

看了韵璇的部落，同意她所表达的
恋爱，应该是顺其自然的，不为任何理由而出现的
为了恋爱而恋爱，不是真爱
为了寂寞而恋爱，不会长久
为了结婚而恋爱，不会幸福
爱，应该是很自然的
没有任何的理由
我相信，爱是上天给予我们的一种福分
当爱情到来时，由不得你说不
爱是种激励人成长的过程
爱让很多人明白什么叫幸福
爱也同是让人明白什么叫痛苦
没有经历过苦的爱，是不会有持久的甜蜜
因为苦过，所以明白当中的痛苦
因而学会珍惜眼前人

步入20岁的我，同样的还未初恋
也同样的，不觉得稀奇
虽然很多人在20岁时，经验已经累积的吓人
我还是我，等待着属于我的缘分，等待着一个爱我我也爱他的那个人
相信一切都是冥冥中注定的，并不需要急于一时吧！！

也看了翠婷的部落，觉得她生活的很充实
有个呵护她的男友，
有忙不完的礼拜天，
其实很想问她，开会都在同一个地方吗？
不然怎样可能连续开两个会议喔？？
也很明白她的想法，
因为我姐姐也是这样..
我想恋爱中的女人都是这样的吧？？
同时，我也很佩服她常常更新部落的毅力啊！！
不像我，很懒

总的来说，这篇部落是真的很无聊
无聊到自己都觉得无聊
很废吧？？ =P

同学？？

昨天，搭巴士时遇到所谓的同学

刚开始时，我并没有认得她

因为当时她走得匆忙又戴了个口罩

一时之间并没有认得她就是和我同窗四年的同学

当我认得她时，她却还以白眼

顿时，我觉得她好令人讨厌！！

我认不出你或许是我的疏忽，可是没有理由她认不出我

我还是我，外表并未有多大的改变

由此可见，她是刻意的

以前上课时，就觉得她并不是个容易的角色

年纪小小的时候，就开始耍心计，虚伪的令人讨厌

我没有得罪过她，可她却常常摆脸色个我看，

这还不用紧，她常有意无意的讽刺我

没关系，就当作是我说话太过直接，她接受不了

不但如此，她选择的朋友一定是有一定的利用价值的

或许说，那些人是有某些可以利用的价值，才成为她的朋友的吧？？

但是奇怪的是没人发现这点喔！！除了我和我的朋友们

或许是演技太好了吧？

班上的同学却觉得她是个乖巧可爱的

从那时开始，我就很讨厌虚伪的人，所以对她的好感也没有到哪里去

可是心里在想， 毕竟同学一场，也不好表现得太明显

毕竟这是她的选择吧！

可是，过了昨天，我不会再认她为我的同学

如果有可能，我会唱到全世界都知道她原来是酱的一个人

讨厌讨厌！！！

原来同学的定义就是酱~~

亏那些相信她人格的人咯！！

是啦，她很厉害啦，JPA scholar 嘛！！

要出国的，当然看不起手下败将的我咯！！

我也不希罕！！赫~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

好想公布她的名字咯...

好像问3个为什么咯..

cOurSeNiTe~~~

coursenite, 顾名思义就是让同course的大家更加地认识彼此...

所谓的同course就包括了1st，2nd 和3rd year 的seniors..

而刚刚的coursenite很遗憾的没有半个3rd year seniors可以到场~~

不过，没关系啦，大家开心就好~~

就在当下，我觉得很感触..

想想自己刚开始的时候，就连coursenite都想找借口不去..

因为感觉上同学们都很冷漠，彼此之间很陌生~~

我并不是一个很快热的人，没法像我的一些朋友很快就可以与人打成一片

所以，一开始时，很多时候1st year 时的gathering我都避得就避

可是，不懂从何时开始，我们之间的关系起了化学作用~

我们开始慢慢地变熟了，大家开始热络起来了！！

从一开始的生熟到现在的亲密，

这过程让我惊讶不已..

我没想过这会发生，因为一开始我并不是很乐观地看待它

可是很奇妙的是，大家渐渐的越走越近，慢慢地熟悉彼此

我不敢说我和全部的psykids都好到爆啦！

可是至少好过以前吧！！

有人说，关系是靠双方面付出的，单方面的付出只会让彼此的关系更加地拖累

虽然这句话比较适合用在爱情上，但我觉得也可以apply在友情上

朋友之所以成为朋友是因为彼此有link在，

可是，友情可以长久却是因为大家都有付出一定的程度..

单方面的付出只会让付出的人很累，而那段友情也没有意义了

或许是看到有些coursemates的付出，而改变了我对她们的想法

我很珍惜，也很感谢老天爷给了我酱多可爱的coursemates们...

希望我们的关系会越来越好，并证明给别人看，我们这批最多的psykids却是最一致的~~

Fac Nite

FAC NITE 刚刚结束，很累，可是很满足~~

很谢谢大家的出席，尤其是给脸我跟李舧的朋友们！！

关于FAC NITE，其实我并没有什么筹备到，一切都是井树的安排~~

p/s: 不懂名字又没有写错~~

看到他如此的卖力，我也不好袖手旁观啦！！

在他还没到之前就很卖力的解决混乱的情况~~

由于我和李帆都不是很熟那流程，

也只好硬着头皮上咯！！

李帆还很可怜的被骂了~~

可能我太凶了吧!! seniors 都不敢找我来开炮~~ ^^

不过，总的来说，一切都还在掌控之中啦！！

过后大家还是很开心的拍照留念~~

juniors 们的表演很精彩，让我看得津津有味~~

食物也很不错，很值得···

最后，一定要提一提！！

psycho 2nd year 的seniors都很给脸的穿得很美！！

当我知道melia特地回家换衣时，真的很感动~~

看到grace为了我，而不出席重要会议，也很感动~~

看到大家为了我如此的捧场，真的很感动啊！！

还有很多很多还没来得及谢谢的人，

总之，一句话，谢谢大家捧场！！！！！

我爱大家~~~muaksssss

Fac Nite

hmmm.. just came back from Jumbo restaurant at kajang..
it's time to give a total comment on this fac nite lo~~

at first, an urgent situation happened that make us kalam-kabut for a while..
but luckily manage to control the situation..
when reach there by bus, i was shock when i saw the hall in a messy way..
i was not told to do anything except for the transport thing..
so, in order to calm and make everyone settle in their own place, especially the juniors, i terpaksa walk here and walk there, call here and call there...
*hmm.. i should claim my telephone bill from our fac king de~~ *thinking*
by the way, this is not the important part la..
somehow, some seniors did show that they are really not happy with our ways of handling this year fac nite..
they say that we are not organized at all!!
erm, they actually refer this to Lee Fan, which is previous fac queen, my lovely coursemate...
maybe they think i'm fierce enough that they dare not scold me for that but scolding pity Lee Fan..

finally, the missing one arrived and the whole event eventually started!!!
this year food for me is quite nice compare to previous one and more baloi la!! ^_^
and this year performances also very interesting.. i enjoyed laughing at them~~ lolz

Oh ya, I shall really thanks all my lovely coursemates that willing to attend this dinner lo~~
hmm.. according to Melia, they all attend because of me and Lee Fan wo~~
so, really a big thank you to you all lo..
thanks Melia for purposely go back home and change a wonderful nice dress and rush to Jumbo..
thanks Grace for keeping her promise and ponteng her meeting..
thanks MeiWen for attending although almost no money ad..
thanks Michelle and Esther for waiting 2 hours in UkM without any complaints..
thanks QinYi for fetching people around from ukm to Jumbo~~
thanks Wanlin for purposely go and borrow dress from QinYi just to match the dress code of the nite..
thanks LeeYin and LeeFan for going there so early and help controlling the situations
thanks Patrick for the spirits because last minute also wanna go..

then thanks all the juniors that really put effort on this fac nite, it's really nice performances, i enjoyed it very much~~~
never forget to thanks our seniors that willing to attend although starting become busy..
lastly, thanks to all previous candidates!!
through out the almost 3 months of preparation, at last~~
this is the outcome of our work!!!
i know all of us really work for this~~
and YEAH!!!!
it ends up with a wonderful ending~~

wohoo~~~~

第一次捐血

捐血这个念头很早就出现在我脑海了..

只是没有将它诸之于行动罢了~~

可能因为朋友的一句话，让我很有勇气的实行了一直以来的念头~~

朋友说，依我的生命数字来看，很可能会有血光之灾..

化解的方式有：捐血

或许你会觉得我很迷信，但我相信这只是一个比较好的理由来说服自己去捐血吧！！

以往我都不敢捐是因为怕

怕痛，怕自己会晕..

然后，自己就会找借口不让自己捐血~~

血糖低和血压低曾经是理由，可是那也只不过是几个月的时间罢了~~

可它却很光明正大成为了我拒绝捐血的一大理由！！

可我很开心，自己终于突破了``

捐血有点让自己了解自己的定位到底去到那里..

自己可以为这个社会做些什么？

自己又可以忍受多少呢？

忍受针扎的痛？

忍受自己的血液一点一滴从身上流走？？

这一趟的捐血让我自己更加地了解自己～～

原来自己可以忍受这么多以前我认为不可思议的东西！

捐血的后果可能是伤口有点痛，左手没有力气扛东西．．

但这却是我做过最有意义的事～～

所以我很开心！！＝）

1st blood donation~~

hmm.. it's really a good experience to have the first time blood donation at my own faculty la..
i been ready for this since last week when i knew there would be a blood donation event in FSSK...

actually, is sharon's word that trigger me to really put this in action lo..
she say, i might have "xue guang zhi zai/血光之灾", so better go donate blood..
haha, if think properly, i'm kind of 迷信/superstition la..

but i have this thought since i'm in matriculation..
just that time my BP is too low, and i don have courage enough to put this thought into action..
maybe sharon's word that affect me or i think it's just the time for me to finally do that..

hmm.. talking back the experience,
it's a bit scary at the beginning because i dunno what going to happen next..
so i'm quite nervous lo..
and one thing to mention, meiwen and i actually plan to donate together de..
just that she just have a injection last week and she dunno what kind of injection of it, so the doc dare not to let her donate lo~~
that's why i donated the blood alone..

when the checking and registration process were done, i was ready to donate blood..
what shall i say le??
nervous?? afraid?? excited??
all also a bit lo...

it;s kind of strange that it took me quite some time to really fulfill 350cc, i think is cc la..
maybe because of my hand position or maybe 1st time..
my blood flow in a quite slow mode..
while waiting for it to be fulled, i actually enjoying the process la..

i was thinking, "hmm.. this is the feeling of losing blood!"
and when i saw my own pack of blood, i was like a bit touch lo..
i can feel that the blood is still warm and such a big pack when the nurse actually placed it on my legs..

i dunno how to describe this feeling but it's really great la~~
after that, i felt pain on my wound..
hmm.. maybe i moved my hand a bit during the blood flowing..
that;s why my wound got ohche already..
and i feel that my left hand like tertegang already..

anyway, this is really a good experience for me lo~~
i think i'll continue donate blood for the 2nd, 3rd and much much more times de~~
hehe^^

重新出发的前夕..

是时候重新出发了

可是我准备好了吗？？

大学开始了快一个月了，怎么感觉上并不是在上课呢？

每次都会重复同样的东西，我自己也厌倦了

每次放假之后就会困在这样的一个困境

问问自己，到底要些什么？

大学生涯已经步入了第二年

是否要像去年一样？

还是来些突破呢？

在正式准备好重新出发前，真的需要好好的调息一下自己的情绪和思维

好让自己过后的路，走的一帆风顺、也毫不后悔~~

cELebRaTinG GeOk KiEw 20tH bIrtHdAY!!!

I'm out around 9 in the morning just hope to be on time for our gathering..
who knows, when i reach Mid Valley, both Geok Kiew and Juo Min say they will be late..
that time is around 10.15am and we suppose to meet at 10.30am de~~

never mind lo, i shopped alone 1st at jusco..
looking here and there but din able to buy many things la~~
finally, around 11am, our main character is here le!!
after paying money for my stuff in Jusco, i went to her lo~~

soon, Juo Min also reached le.. then we started our "session" lo~~
while waiting for juo min that time, we actually discuss about where to have lunch..
Mid Vally has quite number of restaurants but I usually try some only la..
then Geok Kiew suggested me a quite new place to me, which is "San Fransico SteakHouse"

since havent try before, then we decided to give it a try!!
it open at 12pm and they provided us a very "baloi" set lunch la~~
it's RM16.90++, included free flow of soft drink, soup of the day, bread, and of course main course lo~~
I tried the grilled lamb shoulder and it tasted quite good la~~

we chit chat for almost one hour during the whole session in there,
and manage to take some nice photos..
the food making me feel very fulled ar~~ ^_^

after lunch, we went MPH and also Toy R us seeking Juo Min assignment tools wo~~
while she very seriously looking for her stuff, me and Gk are playing around with the kids stuff..
really wanna mention in here la, nowadays the children are very lucky lo~~
all their reading materials and toys are so "IN" and "HighTech" lo~~

then we went for GK watch in Vincci accessory..
before that we actually entered Jusco for ladies department and tried some of the formal shirts le..
Padini 70% off, only RM27.. but somehow no my size lo~~ :(
but, if got me also won't buy la~~ XD

afterward, we went for bIg apple dougnuts.. and finally i manage to get my dancing queen and also the durian!!! they taste so nice la!! hehe^^

actually it's not all about the these niah, there are some more that i din able to write it down la..
but this time outing seems to be an interesting and enjoyfull lo~~
i have fun all the way although a bit tired now~~:P

and I hope Gk also enjoyed it !!
"dear Geok Kiew,
happy 20th birtday ya!!! wish you to have a memorable birthday this year lo~~"